I was rocking my baby girl to sleep before I wrote this. And suddenly my thoughts were about my old man. My sister and I would always hear him sing a song. I just remember this line “When you grow to be a lady, you’ll be a queen, a lovely queen. Walking…” That is the only line that stuck in my head. I knew he sang that to me when I was a baby and he would always tell me about it while I was growing up.
At this particular moment of my life, that song became very special. I tried to looked it up online. I searched in YouTube but nothing came up. I googled it and the search result was very limited. I could neither find the singer nor the song writer. At least I found the lyrics.
When I grow to be a Lady…
I’ll be a queen, a lovely queen
Walking in a garden shady…
In gown of green
with silver sheen
maids in gowns and gold shall follow me
And suitors of a high degree
When I grow to be a lady…
A fine and lovely queenly lady
Then my Prince will come to claim his own
And love will crown me to my throne.
It is very heart warming to know for the first time what the song is all about. And I can clearly hear his voice singing it.
I was born and raised Catholic. I firmly believe in God. However, this playful mind of mine never stops going some places far. In my heart I know God fully understands. He never gets mad about questions. I believe that’s what makes us special. We think. So my thoughts here are independent of my belief. Some questions just floating in my head.
With the loss of a loved one, I am thinking if there is really an after life. Is there really a soul. If there is, where does it go? What happens to it? When we talk about our faith, I know the answer is: the soul goes to heaven, hell, or Purgatory. Does the soul recognize his/her loved ones left on earth? Does he/she still get to see them? I have read some stories about near death experiences of people and they usually report the same things: light, visions, peaceful experience. It is comforting to know that.
I guess you will never truly know the truth unless you experience death. And there is actually no way of going back to tell the world what truly happens when you die because you are dead. I am also thinking, what if when a person dies, it is simply just the end of everything? Non existent. Just no thoughts, no emotions, bodily functions stop. What if this life is the only chance, the only time and place that we can actually feel and think? The only moment we experience existence and being human.
Since I got back home, I usually feel sad, stressed out, and my temper short. I do my very best just to be a good mother although there are a lot of times my patience is being challenged.. Mind you, I generally feel happy and glad that I am back to personally take care of my family. My mother in law is still here until the end of this month as well as my mom. Maybe when things get back to normal, meaning my own established routine, and it will just be us home, slowly I will be able to have more time alone, hopefully more time to think and heal. School day starts soon and I am sure things will get back on track.
If nowadays I feel down, I know very soon I will again be the happiest.
I still count my blessings. All my friends who care, my family, my brother and sisters… And do not forget, the beer and the wine! 😉