Nothingness

Tiny little seed

Little sprouts

Slowly growing

Day by day aging

Roots gone deeper

Through time

Clinging  more to the ground

Woven memories

The mighty tree

Suddenly disappeared

Only non existent

A strange feeling

Centenarian tree with large trunk and big roots above the ground

Photo credit: songofdawn.com

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Blabbering Mind

A friend visited me last year. He was my Professor from College until in the Graduate School. He works now in a University here in the US. He was even one of my mentors when I did my paper.  With God’s help, I was able to finish the degree Master of Science in Psychology Major in Psychological Measurement. and I was able to do work for seven years related to the field.

So when I got married and started a family,  there have been changes. I joke about it a lot with my husband. I tell him that I have the best education/career ever. Master of Science in Child Rearing and Housekeeping! And I have been an Administrator for years now running a house from food, to clothes, family schedules, child education, and everything! For free! (except when I go online shopping).

Seriously, when I see posts from social media how some of my friends have advanced in their careers, I ask myself how do I feel about myself. Yes sometimes I would imagine how I would be like if I chose a different path. Then I would ask are we here because of our choice or we are just destined to be where we are right now… or a combination of both?

I believe that one should just do his/her best each time, in every moment or chapter of life. And try to appreciate the now, where you are right now. It is true that when you count your blessings and appreciate all that you have, you will feel happy. Contented.

There is always a reason to smile.

The Last Moments

Once again, I just realized something last night. After I put the kids to sleep, I sat down on the couch to have a little quiet time. My eyes gazed upon the pictures of these men from the little corner of our room.

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From the left is my father-in-law and then my dad. It was just last night that I realized that I was the last family member to see them before they both passed away. So it feels weird and more sad to know that I witnessed their last moments.

It was afternoon. I was home with my father-in-law, and my husband was still at work. I was in the living room and he told me that he was going out to get those gallons of water from a nearby store. He had a little pushing cart with him. It was passed 2pm so I told him why not wait for his son so he did not have to walk?  It was April 24, 2007. He said it was fine and besides, he needed to exercise. He told me he was going to go through the back door, and then he left. And at passed 3pm, he had an accident on the road and that was his end.

As for my Dad, for those of you who have not read my recent blogs, he just passed away two months ago. And with his passing, I wrote quite a few things about the experience and about him (you can check this entry: 14 day journey). Last August 4, 2015 (Tuesday) he had to undergo Tracheostomy. A tracheostomy is a surgery to make a hole in your neck that goes into your windpipe. He needed a  tracheostomy since he was on a breathing machine (ventilator) for a long time. They needed to remove the intubator that was attached to him for two weeks to prevent further infections. I was informed that I should follow down to the operating room. I was there waiting outside. I was praying and thinking about him that finally, he would be relieved to get that thing off him. I waited and finally the doctor called me in to tell me that the procedure was done and everything was fine. I was so relieved. I waited until I saw him and the nurses pushing his bed. They had to give him Oxygen since he was depending on the breathing machine. They took the elevator and I took the stairs to meet them at the Intensive Care Unit. He was unconscious and I was watching him. The nurse was checking everything. She told me to rest and everything is stable with my dad. I sent text messages to my siblings to tell them that the procedure was successful and we can all go to sleep. I think it was around 10:30pm. Then after one hour, it was the end of his dear life.

For sure I will never forget these last moments…

Little Things That Make Me Smile

I am so amazed how my little girl (who is 3 years old and 2 months) has become potty trained! Remember around the second week of September I posted about focusing on her potty training? In three weeks she already know! So now we only use diaper at night time when she sleeps (just to be safe) and during times when I know we’ll be out of the house for a while.

At first I would regularly make her sit down, but now she tells me whenever she needs to go. I am just surprised because with my first born, it took a while before he learned. As I remember, it was almost a year for him.

Kids are so different (as most of the parents know) when it comes to personalities, learning, development. In terms of academics, my first born is way advance. Before he turned 3 years old, he already spelled, wrote, and read. As for my girl, we are still working on these things. But we are getting there : )

The little things that make me smile.

Hope something or someone is making your day brighter too!!!

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Each Moment

It is true what they say that you will never truly understand something unless you experience it yourself.

In the past, I felt sorry for family and friends who lost their loved ones. I went to wakes, funeral services, and showed compassion. There were times when I also wept with them. But then my life went on. I just feel sad when I remember those who passed away and I say my prayers to them.

Losing someone who is actually very close to your heart can actually be different. I refer to the loss of a parent, sibling, spouse, child or a very close friend.  I have felt the change in me. Days pass by, months go by, and I carry that feeling of sadness in my heart, that feeling of loss. I believe it will linger even in the years to come and for the rest of my life. I guess this is something constant as I move along.

This little feeling in me reminds me of the bittersweet reality of life. It is just a cycle.  I can imagine how my kids will feel the same way when it will be my turn someday. All of us will feel a loss. And all of us will leave our loved ones behind. For those of us who are still here, we have to make the most out of our lives. Cherish the memories of the people who left. Be reminded about the many reasons why we have to be grateful each day, be more human, and loving to the people who are part of our journey.

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