I choked up as I thought about it. I felt sick. I went to church at 8:00 am this morning. I was standing there with a heavy heart. It was the very same time when he died. Everything happened around 11:00 pm to midnight (Manila time) two years ago.
I remember on that day, I just stayed beside him. He really loved listening to me and my siblings sing. So I sang any song that came to mind. All songs I could ever think of. We kept singing and talking to him despite that he was unconscious. Sometimes he was awake but we knew he was not the same. It was always just a blank stare. I held his hands as if it was the last time.
It was 11:00 pm when I received a message to proceed to the Intensive Care Unit. I had a bad feeling. I just left him 30 minutes ago and everything was fine. His operation (Tracheotomy) was a success. He was finally relieved from the tube he had for two weeks.
The nurse told me that he was stable. I could go and rest. I sent my good news to my siblings and everyone was pleased. We were all holding on to HOPE.
Everything quickly changed in just an hour.
I was walking towards the ICU and from afar I could see what was happening. His room was packed with nurses and a doctor. The room was very busy. They were all trying to revive him. I could hear them. I was just less than 10 feet away. I sat on a chair and I had to lay my head down on the table. I knew it was the end. I was so numb. I cried quietly. The doctor approached me and told me that they had to stop reviving him.
I had to make calls to tell the family. They all came and we did what we had to do. Then for the very first time, I went home. I fell asleep on his bed. We were all so very very tired emotionally and physically. I had no more strength.
Sometimes I would ask why did I have to see all that. It really broke my heart. I know that every time this day comes, I would feel the same way and I will remember EVERYTHING. For the rest of my life.
K.Lazaro 
I can’t begin to imagine what seeing everything must of felt like, but I’m very sure he’s been watching you ever since .
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Khris, I know all too well, as many, that life can be most difficult at times. I totally empathize with you. The Blessed Mother suffered as she stood beneath the cross that bore her Son and our savior. I wonder if she wished it wasn’t so, as well. So you see, you were not alone. And difficult times that we wish we could avoid comes to us all. Love demands it.
-Alan
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Andy, it is a comfort to think that he’s been watching us and that he’s with us. Thank you.
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Alan, I thought about the Blessed Mary too. You’re right. It was truly painful to see your loved one suffering and that there is nothing you can do. But to watch. And pray. It’s true, we are not alone in our journey. We are not alone in whatever we are going through. Thank you Alan.
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