I worked that day. The traffic was not bad as I drove home from work. It was almost dark. The house was bright as I got home. Few friends came over. We had a few drinks and had dinner together. I had a special guest who happened to be my crush at that time. It was so obvious that my father was thrilled because the guy happened to be a lawyer just like him. Little did he know that it was a hopeless case. The guy just saw me as a friend.
I am writing not because of the guy. I am writing because that was the last birthday party I remember. I believe it was also the last party I had with my father around before I left home. It was my 26th birthday. And then I totally stopped counting my age. Although I have always been grateful to life and to my blessings.
Reality bites. We can’t stop time. We can’t stop aging. For the first time as I was brushing my hair, I found some white strands of hair. Not just one but two or three. After a few weeks, it happened again. And I haven’t checked since then.
For a long time, I have been terrified by the thought of getting old and dying. It consumed my thoughts for a while especially right after my father passed away. And I have realized that it is a process. It takes time to understand and accept the idea of death. I have finally accepted that it is an inevitable part of life. And someday we will all end up there. With this in mind, I believe it is affecting my perspective of life. Still it is a learning process. But I am getting there.
I may stop counting my age but I will never stop being grateful for NOW.
K.Lazaro 
Khris, One night some years ago when at a weekly dinner with four close friends that very topic of age came up. Then I asked each friend if when they look into a mirror do they really see themselves. I said: Do you look beyond the surface? Look at and into nothing else but you eyes. You will not see wrinkles, lines, greying hair or worry. You will see, not the me but the I, of who you are. That being that God loved into existence through your parents; whether your parents are loving or not, matters not…for God does, wrinkles and all. It was then that I realized it was the I who experienced ever aspect of my life then and now and that although the outer me has worn a bit, the inner I is still as God made me to be now and always.
Those who try with great effort to match their wills to that of God, through Christ, throughout their lives, no matter how many times they fall, but rise again, should have no fear of death. Because if we follow Him, who has overcome death for us, what is there to fear?
-Alan
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Alan, I am always looking forward to what you are about to tell me. You are an angel, always shedding wisdom to this poor soul. I am delighted that you are here! You know, you’re right. I have always seen me, the “I” throughout my life although my form/the physical body changes all the time. I always think that I exactly feel the same way when I was in grade school, high school, college. Things around me change, the places where I’m in, the people around me, and even my outer appearance, but I feel exactly the same way since the time I remember. And that I believe is the “I”, the soul created by Him. Thank you Alan. Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to you.
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You are very welcome Khris. And God’s blessings on you and your family this Christmas season.
-Alan
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