Love Stories

One sunny morning, I was hanging out with my kids in the pool.  Then a very interesting conversation happened. I do not recall how we ended up talking about it but my son was asking about my love stories.  I then recalled the feelings of falling in love, of being in love, as well as the tears and the heartaches that go with it.

There’s a relationship that you outgrow. You think you would want to spend the rest of your life with that special someone but as you mature, you will realize that you just don’t. Maybe it is due to differences in values, priorities, and/or timing.

Sometimes you will meet someone you finally like but you will end up friend zoned. I remember this guy who would always come visit me at work, hung out with me, and called me even at night just to talk about other girls . And you realize after a while you were so stupid to listen to his crazy stories.

There are times when you meet someone and you thought you have something special. He would call you from overseas on a regular basis then one day would just disappear. You will figure out that he found someone else.

Sometimes you would think you have met your soulmate. But they don’t really stay for long.

There are unspoken feelings. Feelings you just keep to yourself. And the person would never ever know how you felt about him/her.

And there is a love meant for you.

And love never ends. It is beautiful. It is painful. It makes life meaningful.

 

 

 

The Day When You Left

I choked up as I thought about it. I felt sick.  I went to church at 8:00 am this morning. I was standing there with a heavy heart. It was the very same time when he died. Everything happened around 11:00 pm to midnight (Manila time) two years ago.

I remember on that day, I just stayed beside him. He really loved listening to me and my siblings sing. So I sang any song that came to mind. All songs I could ever think of. We kept singing and talking to him despite that he was unconscious. Sometimes he was awake but we knew he was not the same. It was always just a blank stare.  I held his hands as if it was the last time.

It was 11:00 pm  when I received a message to proceed to the Intensive Care Unit. I had a bad feeling. I just left him 30 minutes ago and everything was fine. His operation (Tracheotomy) was a success. He was finally relieved from the tube he had for two weeks.

The nurse told me that he was stable. I could go and rest. I sent my good news to my siblings and everyone was pleased. We were all holding on to HOPE.

Everything quickly changed in just an hour.

I was walking towards the ICU and from afar I could see what was happening. His room was packed with nurses and a doctor. The room was very busy. They were all trying to revive him.  I could hear them. I was just less than 10 feet away. I sat on a chair and I had to lay my  head down on the table. I knew it was the end. I was so numb. I cried quietly. The doctor approached me and told me that they had to stop reviving him.

I had to make calls to tell the family. They all came and we did what we had to do. Then for the very first time, I went home. I fell asleep on his bed. We were all so very very tired emotionally and physically. I had no more strength.

Sometimes I would ask why did I have to see all that. It really broke my heart. I know that every time this day comes, I would feel the same way and I will remember EVERYTHING. For the rest of my life.

 

 

Sad Trip Memories

I will not forget the saddest trip I had in my life. It was exactly two years ago today. I can still remember being by myself at the airport. I was just crying on my seat. I could not help it and I did not care anymore. While the rest of the people around me looked so happy and excited, I was just broken. It was a very difficult time, that day and the next two weeks.

I flew right away as I heard that our father was resuscitated. Everything was just so sudden. I had to fly thousands of miles just to get in time. It was somehow a blessing to still find him there although he was already unconscious. I am not sure up to now if he even knew I was there. And watching him for the next 14 days was traumatic.

I wrote about that experience here right after I came back home. Losing a person very close to your heart is very painful beyond words. It was raw and unedited. Until today, I still do not have the courage to read it over again.

This morning, my sister and I were talking. She said something. “Most days are so busy, we go about our lives without thinking about him.. but there are definitely times when a lot of things around us no matter how simple remind us if him. And those moments we think of him is just heart breaking and makes me feel like crying.” It is true, I try not to think of him because it makes me sad.  However, it is just unavoidable. The person you love will always be a part of you.

I hear a lot of times some people would like to say “MOVE ON”. What does moving on mean?  Yes, we have moved on. We have continued to live our lives. But when you talk about someone you love, who has passed, it just means that you remember them. You miss them and that you love them. And that is absolutely natural. It is okay.

We remember.

wetalkaboutthem

 

 

 

Mother & Son

Being a parent means having this very important responsibility of raising good people.  It is a lifetime mission. We take care of them, provide for all their needs (physical, emotional, mental, spiritual), and guide them through life.

Being a parent is not always easy. Sometimes we get tired. Sometimes we get frustrated. We worry. We get disappointed.  In every stage, we face different challenges from waking up late at night to change their diapers or disciplining them in their early childhood days. It can be a lot of work. I say,  having a child  is truly life changing. It is a blessing and at the same time a sacrifice, an act of great love.

What inspired me to write? Earlier, I got into a small fight with my 9-year-old. It might sound petty to others but it meant something to me.

He was so distracted with his gadgets that he would find it hard to pay attention and listen to what I’m saying. Usually I have to repeat A LOT OF TIMES what I have to say to him. And this can be exhausting. I always pray for patience and understanding. It has been a challenge for me nowadays because they are on summer break.  Everyday, I have to set  a time limit with regard to the use of the gadgets. My son and I usually argue about this.  I manage their activities, making sure they read, write, draw, and do something else besides video gaming. I have to take them out of the house too for a swim or stroll at the park.

I lost my temper. I raised my voice. I had to be stern. What irritated me most was the talking back. He was reasoning out when clearly he was wrong. And it broke my heart to see him so mad at me. I sent him to his room for a time out. No TV. No gadgets. I said he needed to be alone and be quiet.

I was worried. I was thinking maybe he would grow up hating me because I would always discipline him. Then I felt sad. I was sorry for saying some things that could have hurt his feelings. I felt bad. I know I am not a perfect person. Definitely not a perfect mom.

I thought of writing him a letter. Just to assure him that I love him. And that whatever we are doing is for his own good. I was about to write him a note when he came out of his room and went to me. He handed me a paper. And saw this …

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It melted my heart. I just hugged him for a very long time. I cried quietly. I was relieved. Maybe I am doing the right thing. I did not have to remind him that I love him. He knows. We talked about what happened and the things he learned from it.

He told me to keep this paper and I said I will.

 

 

 

 

 

Beauty Tips

I stare at my face in the mirror.

So imperfect.

Wondering about getting old,

Minimize the lines and the signs.

Nobody can fight nature.

Perfect faces eventually will be wrinkled.

Even the most beautiful woman in the world will be old.

Everyone will look different as we reach that stage.

Let’s not  be too attached,

To obsessed  with physical beauty.

Soon it will fade away.

Do not be consumed by the standards of the world.

Beauty is how you feel inside.

Growing in wisdom,

Gratitude, Happiness, and Love.

Those essential things invisible to the eyes.

Those things inside that last forever.

Each person is truly beautiful.

 

Manhood, Leadership, and Discipleship

We are starting another chapter of our lives.  As the new year begins, let us continue to find our passion and do the things that we love. Let us be inspired and be an inspiration to others as well. We try to focus more on the good things in life!

The next person I am featuring here is an inspiration to others. He is a minister. He leads people and prays for them.  I do not share the same religion with him but, we are both Christians.  I was raised Catholic and I am still a devotee. Religion for me is a path. We all have different paths to one destination. So personally,  I always believe in respecting people’s differences.

Anyway, I would just like to share why I am featuring this Pastor. He was an acquaintance in College more than twenty years ago. I believe we went to one class together in De La Salle University Manila. Just a few months back, my friend sent us a message. She  was telling us about the conference that she attended, and she wanted to confirm if the speaker was the person we knew.  With technology on hand (which makes research easier), I checked his Instagram account and sent him a message. He recognized me and my friends.

I can still remember in  College, we were all trying to survive school and meet its demands. We wanted to follow our dreams and fulfill our destiny. Sometimes you will never really know what life has to offer.  I just feel very happy seeing people become successful in their chosen paths. For this particular instance, Pastor Dennis is living  a meaningful life and that is being of service to others.

Dennis Sia Sy was born in Tondo Manila on October 7, 1979. He is a Pastor, a blogger, and an author of four books: (1)  SYNC: How to Know God’s Will for your Life , (2) Rich for Life: Secrets of Those Who Stayed Rich for Life and How You Can be One, (3) Act Like a Man: Taking Manhood Back and (4) Why Settle for Good Sex when you can have Great Sex?

pastordennis

What did you study in College? What did you do after graduating?

“I had a Major in Social Planning and Development. During delay days, I worked part-time in our family business as the marketing and sales head. I was also a bodegero. Our family is in the textile industry sa Divisoria.”

When did you FIRST hear the calling to be a pastor?

“First felt called when I was 12 when a youth pastor preached and told him I want to be like him going to different schools raising next generation leaders who will change the world.”

How did you become a Pastor (training/schooling?)

“After working for the family business for 2.5 years I decided to pursue my study as a Pastor at the same time working at night hosting events and doing stand up comedy to provide for my needs.”

Where do you preach?

“I pastor at Victory Greenhills (Shopping capital of the Philippines).”

The most difficult challenge you’ve experienced as a Preacher?

“It’s difficult challenge is leadership is ME. The major hindrance to living Gods purpose in my life is me.

I needed to be transformed by His word. Romans 12:1-2

The fear and insecurity of a young pastor leading was evident in my first few years in ministry trying to prove something when there was really nothing to prove because Christ already paid the price by dying on the cross for my sin.

The tyranny of doing more for God and trying harder to be good to earn Gods blessing till you read the Scripture and realize that you are already blessed and favored by God.”

Your prayer for the Philippines

“Prayer for the nation is that we would see a resurgence of people’s hunger towards the things of God – that we might see that real change comes from us going back to Jesus who is the ultimate hero of history.”

For more information about Pastor Dennis, you can visit his website: http://dennissy.com/

 

 

 

 

 

On Its Second Year

 

It is true what they say. In time you will no longer feel much pain. You will keep moving. You’ll finally get used to the absence.

As much as I love him,  I try not to dwell on the thought that we lost him. I try to see it in a different perspective. He lives in us, we carry him in our hearts.

I still cry but not as much as I did. When he crosses my mind I feel sad but I feel much stronger now.

Although there are moments when I can’t help the tears especially when things around me bring vivid memories of him.

Like last night my kids were playing with their Dad. My little girl was walking on his back and saying that she’s giving him a massage. I remembered during our younger days when we would do the same. Tears fell from my eyes.

Just a while ago when we were watching one of our favorite comedy shows, if featured the 1980 something show called Knight Rider. I remembered the talking black car called KITT, that drove super fast, was bulletproof, fireproof, and helped Michael fought injustices in the world. It brought up some childhood memories. My siblings and I were fond of the super powered car that we named our family car, Kit. If I remember it right, our father even put up a moving light in front of our car pretending that we’re really driving Kit! Something like this:

kitt

Every morning, to wake up my kids, I put up the curtain and let the sunlight into our bedroom. I talk to them or sing to them just the way our old man did.

I know there will be more reminders along the way. One clear proof that our love ones continue to live…