Mother’s Day 2016

Pretty hands have grown old through the years

Doing all kinds of chores and caring for me

Those wrinkly eyes still have their glow

Always watching over me.

Now that I have grown

Got a family of my own

Something will forever be the same

Her heart wishing me all the best

Her heart full of love for me

~ Tin Lazaro

Carmen is her name.  From Latin origin, it means “song,” “tune,” or “poem” and is also the root of the English word charm. Truly, she is music. It has always been her first love. And I thank her for bringing music into our lives. From then until now, she has always been so generous to me and my siblings. Whenever she would get home, she has little things for us. More importantly, she always gives us the emotional support we need. She rescues us and lifts us up when we are troubled.. She has always been so selfless putting our happiness and welfare before hers. She is our guide, our light.

Evelyn is her name. She raised me too. She was a great influence in giving us the best education we can ever have. I remember her enrolling us in schools, taking us to music classes (voice and flute) and even taking us to our facial care sessions in high school. She has also influenced me in terms of religious/church affiliation… A woman does not have to bear the child to become a mother. You can raise children and be a mother too. It does not have to be biological. It is all about the love and care through the years.

I have aunties/Tita/Tia (both blood related and not) who I look up to as Moms. They are the women who inspire me, who support me and care for me through the different chapters in my life as a wife and mother.

I also remember my mother-in-law, Araceli,  who gave life to my better half, the reason I have become a mother too.  I remember my sisters and girl friends who are mothers as well.  I think about all the mothers around who have dedicated their lives to raising children. Raising kids is a complex and yet beautiful mission. It goes beyond providing material/physical needs. There is emotional, intellectual, and spiritual responsibilities. It is a mission for life.

No mother is perfect. Not even me. We just keep doing our best to give our children a good life, a solid foundation that will guide them even when we will no longer be around. We keep doing our best in giving them happy memories.

Play with them, read to them, converse with them. We keep praying for them.

This song I played is dedicated to all the Mommies in the world. It is entitled “Sa Ugoy ng Duyan, ” a Filipino lullaby co-written by Lucio San Pedro and Levi Celerio, who were both National Artists of the Philippines.

Source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sa_Ugoy_ng_Duyan

“The lyrics are written in the first person point of view. It is made up of two stanzas, with four lines each.

In the first stanza, the singer wishes that his childhood and his memories of his mother will never fade. He also wants to hear his mother’s song again, which to him is a song of love.

In the second stanza, he describes his sleep as being peaceful, while stars watch and guard him. For him, his life becomes heaven whenever his mother sings him her lullaby. Finally, he reveals the reason for his longing: he is enduring some hardship, and this is why he was longing for his mother’s lullaby.

In the final line (coda), the singer addresses his mother and wishes that he could sleep again in his old cradle.”

How Do You Explain Falling In Love?

My seven year old boy saw some photos from my phone. They were pictures from my wedding day. One is when my father was walking me down the isle.  The other was when he kissed me and gave me away.

I explained to my boy how the wedding ceremony goes particularly that symbol of giving the daughter away. As expected, he asked me a lot of questions. I am really often amazed on what children ask. As a grown up, I appreciate their purity, their innocence and their curiosity.

He was asking these:

“Why kissing goodbye?  Why do they give the daughter away?”

“Where do the parents go after the march? Does the daughter go with them? “I explained to him that she has to go with her soon to be husband. And the parents will just have to be there to watch.

“How will you know who to marry? Who chooses the person you will marry? The girl? The boy? Both? or the parents?  But there are so many people in the world…” 

In my heart I knew one day he will know the answers to his questions. That is the time when he falls in love. I simply told him that when he is a grown up, maybe he will meet someone. They will get to know each other. They will be friends. And they will fall in love. Being together is a mutual decision.

“When I get married, will I go to another country too?”  My son knew my story how I left home. I told him that it depends. He may or may not go far away. Then he added,

“Can we stay in one house then?” And I said “No. I will live in my own house.” And I know (based on experience) that if possible, that’s what a new couple need when they’re starting their life together.

He added “Can our houses be close to each other? Can we be neighbors?” I replied, “I think that is fine…”

Then he stopped asking. I guess he had an idea, and he was satisfied with my answers.

 

 

 

Winter Break

For stay at home moms out there, I know some of you can relate to this. Now that it is winter break, kids are home.  I hear voices always saying, “Look Mom, Look Mom!” All at the same time. Simultaneous. While doing chores : ) It can get crazy. Need energy boosters!!!

What Makes You Happy?

The other day I was all smiles

They delivered my new pet.

Zooming around the house,

I was singing in joy while pushing it around.

I felt very happy…

When I was a little girl I was thrilled with gifts like toys or new clothes

I felt equally the same when I got my new cleaning vacuum : )

 

This morning I had a “disciplining” moment with my boy

Just right before he went to school.

I do not like feeling mad and sad.

I felt my chest so tight.

And to relieve the stress

I started moving the furniture around.

My little girl asked, “Mommy why are you moving stuff?”

She was jumping on the couch and having a great time.

I rearranged the living room and gave it a different look!

 

Now I feel recharged.

I believe I am really getting old…

Vacuum and rearranging the house?

I feel it was unleashing my creativity.

 

Now I feel happy again.

Since I got back home, I usually feel sad, stressed out, and my temper short. I do my very best just to be a good mother although there are a lot of times my patience is being challenged.. Mind you, I generally feel happy and glad that I am back to personally take care of my family. My mother in law is still here until the end of this month as well as my mom. Maybe when things get back to normal, meaning my own established routine, and it will just be us home, slowly I will be able to have more time alone, hopefully more time to think and heal. School day starts soon and I am sure things will get back on track.

If nowadays I feel down, I know very soon I will again be the happiest.

I still count my blessings. All my friends who care, my family, my brother and sisters… And do not forget, the beer and the wine! 😉

A Sad Night

I am double sad…. First, my dad is still in the hospital. I still hope he will be better. I hope he will be healed and will regain his health. The good thing is I will be flying back home but I have to leave my kids behind. It is my very first time to be away from them and it drives me crazy. Separation anxiety. But I should keep thinking that all these things happen for a reason. 

Heaven In Your Arms

Cuddling with my sweet girl is one of my favorite things to do.  From my experience, I can say that Having a boy is different from having a girl in some ways. With girls, you get to dress them up, style them, do “girly” stuff/play together. They are usually mellow than the boys. It is true for me  so I am more “relaxed” with her. They are such darlings and very sweet especially to their daddies. Mine is definitely a daddy’s girl!

With my son, I usually need to keep up with his energy, with his inquisitive mind, with his talking and moving around. He seems more dependent than his little sister.  Calls my attention all the time. I guess he is a mommy’s boy. Although now that he is turning 7, I notice that we argue a lot. He is really challenging my patience. He is strong willed and … He is just growing fast. And yes, before I realize it, my baby girl will be too.

I notice I am starting to have strands of white hair. Found two strands recently! Being a parent can be so hard! I am not complaining, but just expressing. It is really exhausting but rewarding too (mixed emotions – driving me crazy). It is a big responsibility raising children. We are responsible for their well being, to provide them with their needs not just material but emotional, intellectual, spiritual and others. It is truly a mission to raise human beings who can thrive in this difficult and yet wonderful life, who will be happy, successful, and kindhearted people. May God bless and help each parent on earth!

I have a long way to go. For now, while they are little, I will have to enjoy the moments cuddling with them! Heaven is here 💕

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The Cycle of Life

On Life

Today is a very special day for our family. My sister is giving birth to a beautiful princess. In fact, she is still in the hospital. It’s been hours, and she is still in labor. How I wish I can just teleport, fly across the Pacific Ocean, and witness the joy when the baby finally comes out. I am so thrilled for them. I am sure every member of the family is excited to meet and greet the new addition to the family. It is amazing how we share the same fate. Both of us started with the labor signs/pains on the 17th, admitted to the hospital on the 18th. We were both in labor the whole day and night. The babies would not come out still. All the epidural, the pain, so unbearable! In the end, we both needed to have C-sections. Both babies born on the 19th! (But mine of course happened 6 years ago)

This is it! I know that it will change them. It will change their lives forever. Just like how having kids has changed mine. My children have given more meaning to my existence, more meaning to my life. Now, I have a purpose and a reason to live.

On Death

When I was younger, I did not give much thought about death. I finished college, had my Master’s degree, found a fulfilling career. I got promoted, had my own office and I loved my job. Moreover, I was able to travel to different places, my favorite was the Europe trip with my parents. Visited the United States too and went to different vacation spots in the Philippines. I remembered me saying to myself, “I have been blessed. I can die now.” But it all changed when I married and started my own family. Now, I am terrified when I think about death! (My death or losing a loved one)

My 6 year old has been asking questions about death: when, why people die, where people go when they die, what happens to the body, etc. I try to give him a simple explanation since the questions are NEVER ending. As a Catholic, I know we all go to heaven (this is what I tell my son). At the back of my head, I am also thinking of other explanations as to what happens when someone dies. Maybe we are like the energy transferred to one form into another. Or maybe, when we die that is the end of it. Nothing else. Blank. Black. No more.

I always ask God to grant us (me and my  husband) a long life, at least until we are both 90 years of age. I want to see my children grow, finish school, get a job that they love, find the love of their lives, have their own family.  Surely, I would love to play with my grandchildren!

So holding on to dear life! Appreciate every waking moment.