I Dreamed Of You

She was laying in bed. On her side. Weeping. And there was an embrace from behind. She looked over and saw her Dad. Comforting her saying in Filipino, “Ganyan talaga hija.” (That’s how it is, my daughter)

And she woke up from her sleep. She felt happy that at least she gets to see him in her dreams…

 

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Photo Credit: davidkanigan.com

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Somewhere After Here

Where can you really be?

Is there really a heaven somewhere out there?

Where you meet the other ones

Where you laugh with the angels

And pray with the saints?

Or is it somewhere else any man has never imagined?

I hope the time spent here is not just everything

I hope it is not the end of it all

But if in case it is, then you still shall live

As long as I breathe

 

Candle light

 

 

 

 

The Last Moments

Once again, I just realized something last night. After I put the kids to sleep, I sat down on the couch to have a little quiet time. My eyes gazed upon the pictures of these men from the little corner of our room.

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From the left is my father-in-law and then my dad. It was just last night that I realized that I was the last family member to see them before they both passed away. So it feels weird and more sad to know that I witnessed their last moments.

It was afternoon. I was home with my father-in-law, and my husband was still at work. I was in the living room and he told me that he was going out to get those gallons of water from a nearby store. He had a little pushing cart with him. It was passed 2pm so I told him why not wait for his son so he did not have to walk?  It was April 24, 2007. He said it was fine and besides, he needed to exercise. He told me he was going to go through the back door, and then he left. And at passed 3pm, he had an accident on the road and that was his end.

As for my Dad, for those of you who have not read my recent blogs, he just passed away two months ago. And with his passing, I wrote quite a few things about the experience and about him (you can check this entry: 14 day journey). Last August 4, 2015 (Tuesday) he had to undergo Tracheostomy. A tracheostomy is a surgery to make a hole in your neck that goes into your windpipe. He needed a  tracheostomy since he was on a breathing machine (ventilator) for a long time. They needed to remove the intubator that was attached to him for two weeks to prevent further infections. I was informed that I should follow down to the operating room. I was there waiting outside. I was praying and thinking about him that finally, he would be relieved to get that thing off him. I waited and finally the doctor called me in to tell me that the procedure was done and everything was fine. I was so relieved. I waited until I saw him and the nurses pushing his bed. They had to give him Oxygen since he was depending on the breathing machine. They took the elevator and I took the stairs to meet them at the Intensive Care Unit. He was unconscious and I was watching him. The nurse was checking everything. She told me to rest and everything is stable with my dad. I sent text messages to my siblings to tell them that the procedure was successful and we can all go to sleep. I think it was around 10:30pm. Then after one hour, it was the end of his dear life.

For sure I will never forget these last moments…

I Remember

Random memories of you often visit me 
Especially at times when I am still

Suddenly the rain pours down…

40th Day After Death

It is 12 noon right now, September 12, 2015.  In the Philippines, it is already 3am of September 13. Today is the 4oth day after the death of my father. 

“The 40th Day after death is a traditional memorial service, family gathering, ceremonies and rituals in memory of the departed on the 40th day after his/her death. The 40th Day concludes the 40 day memorial period and has a major significance in traditions of Orthodox Slavs. It is believed that the soul of the departed remains wandering on Earth during the 40 day period, coming back home, visiting places the departed has lived in as well as his fresh grave (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/40th_Day_after_death).”

At around 1am earlier, my daughter woke up. I had to put her back to sleep. I also had to go out of the bedroom to lower down the AC temperature. Something startled me. Walking through the isle, I saw a our radio/cd player was lit up and the radio was on playing music! It was loud and tuned in to our favorite FM station. I was not scared but it gave me goosebumps! I took courage and walked in the dark to unplug the radio/cd player. It happened a couple of times already in the past. I am sure it is an electrical issue or an appliance issue. Maybe it is just a coincidence that it happened now on the 40th day after his passing. Maybe he is saying goodbye?

Rest In Peace my beloved and forever love. You will be truly missed everyday. Your memories will stay in our hearts.

Eternal rest grant unto him O Lord, and let perpetual light shine upon him. May his soul through the mercy of God, rest in peace. Amen. 

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The First Month

I woke up this morning and reality hit me once more.  A lot of family and friends may forget as we go on with our lives, but as for me and my siblings, it will always be a constant mark. It has exactly been a month. Today is the 5th of September. It is hard to believe that he is really gone, and that I will never ever get to see or talk to him again. I miss him all the time. And I would always look back to that night of July 18, our last conversation. I replayed it in my head.

Everyday  I have “good” distractions. I take care of my children, my family, and my home. And I know he is very proud of that. He would always tell me that it is a very good thing that I am hands on with my children especially during their younger years. He has always believed of that important role of being a woman. My father lost his mother when he was seven. So I am sure while growing up, he missed her a lot. I hope he is now catching up with grandma, and that he is having the happiest/best time!

mother-kissing-sons-forehead-silhouette-sunset_320x170photo credit: www.bankrate.com