It’s Your Birthday

After we dropped off my son to school, my baby girl and I swung by the store and got a balloon. She picked a purple balloon shaped as a heart. We headed to the church and said a prayer. I found a petition book close to the altar and started writing my prayer for today.

I said, “Dear God please kiss my dad for me and wish him a happy birthday. Tell him we miss him everyday and we love him. May our love see him through. I will see you someday.” I could not help the tears when I was writing my prayer. This is his first birthday in heaven. His presence is truly missed. I remembered telling him last Father’s Day (in June) that I will come for his birthday this year. And I will never forget how he said “Ok, I’ll be here. I’ll be here.” I was heart broken because I am thinking I should have gone see him last year. If I had known it would be his last. I guess I have to just let that one go.

Came home after church. I cooked a Filipino meal which is usually served when there are parties. This afternoon I will cook Pancit Bihon and try to bake some Puto Yema. Most importantly, a candle was lit for him. Our thoughts are with him. Prayers are said for him.

Eternal rest grant unto the soul of Hermoso Tan Lazaro and let perpetual light shine upon him. May his soul rest in peace…

 

Knott’s Berry Farm

Knott’s Berry Farm, is a 160-acre amusement park located in Buena Park, California. “The The 2014 Global Attractions Attendance Report states Knott’s Berry Farm is the 13th most visited theme park in North America” (cited from Wikipedia).

This is the second year we have availed of the season pass (since it will save us more). The first one was in 2014. We prefer bringing our kids here since it is closer to home and cheaper too compared to Disneyland. We just think it is not worth it yet to spend too much considering their age. Maybe when they are a little older.

Here are some photos I took from yesterday. I will add more to these each time we go : )

 

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

The Last Moments

Once again, I just realized something last night. After I put the kids to sleep, I sat down on the couch to have a little quiet time. My eyes gazed upon the pictures of these men from the little corner of our room.

FullSizeRender(1)

From the left is my father-in-law and then my dad. It was just last night that I realized that I was the last family member to see them before they both passed away. So it feels weird and more sad to know that I witnessed their last moments.

It was afternoon. I was home with my father-in-law, and my husband was still at work. I was in the living room and he told me that he was going out to get those gallons of water from a nearby store. He had a little pushing cart with him. It was passed 2pm so I told him why not wait for his son so he did not have to walk?  It was April 24, 2007. He said it was fine and besides, he needed to exercise. He told me he was going to go through the back door, and then he left. And at passed 3pm, he had an accident on the road and that was his end.

As for my Dad, for those of you who have not read my recent blogs, he just passed away two months ago. And with his passing, I wrote quite a few things about the experience and about him (you can check this entry: 14 day journey). Last August 4, 2015 (Tuesday) he had to undergo Tracheostomy. A tracheostomy is a surgery to make a hole in your neck that goes into your windpipe. He needed a  tracheostomy since he was on a breathing machine (ventilator) for a long time. They needed to remove the intubator that was attached to him for two weeks to prevent further infections. I was informed that I should follow down to the operating room. I was there waiting outside. I was praying and thinking about him that finally, he would be relieved to get that thing off him. I waited and finally the doctor called me in to tell me that the procedure was done and everything was fine. I was so relieved. I waited until I saw him and the nurses pushing his bed. They had to give him Oxygen since he was depending on the breathing machine. They took the elevator and I took the stairs to meet them at the Intensive Care Unit. He was unconscious and I was watching him. The nurse was checking everything. She told me to rest and everything is stable with my dad. I sent text messages to my siblings to tell them that the procedure was successful and we can all go to sleep. I think it was around 10:30pm. Then after one hour, it was the end of his dear life.

For sure I will never forget these last moments…

Each Moment

It is true what they say that you will never truly understand something unless you experience it yourself.

In the past, I felt sorry for family and friends who lost their loved ones. I went to wakes, funeral services, and showed compassion. There were times when I also wept with them. But then my life went on. I just feel sad when I remember those who passed away and I say my prayers to them.

Losing someone who is actually very close to your heart can actually be different. I refer to the loss of a parent, sibling, spouse, child or a very close friend.  I have felt the change in me. Days pass by, months go by, and I carry that feeling of sadness in my heart, that feeling of loss. I believe it will linger even in the years to come and for the rest of my life. I guess this is something constant as I move along.

This little feeling in me reminds me of the bittersweet reality of life. It is just a cycle.  I can imagine how my kids will feel the same way when it will be my turn someday. All of us will feel a loss. And all of us will leave our loved ones behind. For those of us who are still here, we have to make the most out of our lives. Cherish the memories of the people who left. Be reminded about the many reasons why we have to be grateful each day, be more human, and loving to the people who are part of our journey.

WP_20150525_030

A Reflection From Potty Training

I would just like to record this milestone we have reached.This week, my daughter and I are serious with potty training. I saw the signs that she is ready, and so I pulled out the toddler potty I have been keeping in the garage. I bought it from last year. At first,  I tried to introduce it to her but she would always say “No!” I figured that she was not ready yet so I stopped pressuring her.

After she turned 3 last August 8 (the same day of my Dad’s interment), I once again introduced the potty to her. This time, she is more responsive. Since we are usually at home, I now try to make her wear some training pants. I would ask her to sit down on her little potty every now and then. Sometimes, she is actually the one who tells us that she needs to go.

cartoon-girl-sitting-potty-illustration-52776918photo credit: www.dreamstime.com

I recall when she was a year old until she reached her second year, she was just a baby. Now that she is 3, I can see and feel that she is growing too fast. Soon no more diapers (more money to save!) Soon, she will be in school, and she will be like her big brother, a big kid. There is no stopping time. It keeps going. It keeps flying fast. I wish it will slow down a little bit. I want to be in here and bathe in happiness and experience of parenthood.

Last night, my husband and I were watching the film, Up In The Air, a 2009 American comedy-drama film, starring George Clooney. There was a scene there when a guy got cold feet during his wedding. The following lines below just struck me. And I think of my journey. And I guess it is the same for most of us. How it all started and how it will end.

I don't think I'm going to be able to uh...
to do this.

  
Why would you say that...today?

  
Well, last night I was just kinda laying
in bed and I couldn't get to sleep.

  
So I started thinking about the wedding
and the ceremony,

  
and about our buying a house
and moving in together.

  
And having a kid,
and having another kid and then

  
Christmas and Thanksgiving
and spring break.

  
Going to football games, and then
all of a sudden they're graduating.

  
They're getting jobs, they're getting married.
And, you know, I'm a grandparent.

  
And then I'm retired.
I'm losing my hair, I'm getting fat.

  
And then the next thing you know
I'm dead.

  
I'm just, like...I can't stop from thinking,
what's the point?

  
I mean, what is the point?

  
The point?
- What am I starting here?

(From http://www.script-o-rama.com/movie_scripts/u/up-in-the-air-script-transcript.html)

40th Day After Death

It is 12 noon right now, September 12, 2015.  In the Philippines, it is already 3am of September 13. Today is the 4oth day after the death of my father. 

“The 40th Day after death is a traditional memorial service, family gathering, ceremonies and rituals in memory of the departed on the 40th day after his/her death. The 40th Day concludes the 40 day memorial period and has a major significance in traditions of Orthodox Slavs. It is believed that the soul of the departed remains wandering on Earth during the 40 day period, coming back home, visiting places the departed has lived in as well as his fresh grave (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/40th_Day_after_death).”

At around 1am earlier, my daughter woke up. I had to put her back to sleep. I also had to go out of the bedroom to lower down the AC temperature. Something startled me. Walking through the isle, I saw a our radio/cd player was lit up and the radio was on playing music! It was loud and tuned in to our favorite FM station. I was not scared but it gave me goosebumps! I took courage and walked in the dark to unplug the radio/cd player. It happened a couple of times already in the past. I am sure it is an electrical issue or an appliance issue. Maybe it is just a coincidence that it happened now on the 40th day after his passing. Maybe he is saying goodbye?

Rest In Peace my beloved and forever love. You will be truly missed everyday. Your memories will stay in our hearts.

Eternal rest grant unto him O Lord, and let perpetual light shine upon him. May his soul through the mercy of God, rest in peace. Amen. 

IMG_20150912_114731

IMG_20150912_115250(1)

Discipline Challenge

For me, one of the most difficult challenges in parenting is imposing discipline on children.

I do not know how my parents did it. But I guess I turned out okay.  How do you really do it?  Raising good people.

I noticed that starting at age 6 (now he is 7), I am indeed tested in my ability to discipline a growing boy. Sometimes I am not sure if I am doing it right. All I know is I am doing my best to make him learn and understand things/situation given his natural temperament, his personality, intellect, and other factors that affect his learning. Sometimes it is stressful, draining my energy, makes me worried that he might dislike or hate me for reprimanding him. Generally he is a good and sweet boy. But there are really moments that he is getting on my nerves. I know it is part of raising children.  So help me God. And to all parents out there…Good luck and God bless!

disciplinephoto credit:pixgood.com

The Story Of Love

FRIENDSHIP

LOVE

COURTSHIP

MARRIAGE

LIFELONG COMMITMENT

A PROMISE TO GOD, TO EACH OTHER, AND EVERYONE AS WITNESS

Ups and downs

In sickness and in health

In the midst of a world full of choices and options

With brimming temptations of new and exciting things

With challenges too along the way.

Would you do your darn best to take care of what you have?

Or give in to a moment to shatter what is real?

RESPECT

CARE for the other as you care for yourself

Though physically there are two different beings,

Should be one journey, one life.

Love is powerful

AND THIS IS POSSIBLE…

Up-movie-picnic_610

http://www.chicagonow.com

up-5

www.chipandco.com

family

familyfocusblog.com

tumblr_m4tesprhLs1r3tlbto1_500

bossip.com

So  at the end of our days

We will have that somebody by our side

To remind us of that beautiful journey

And to kiss us goodbye

up-3

thedisneyhousewife.wordpress.com

The First Month

I woke up this morning and reality hit me once more.  A lot of family and friends may forget as we go on with our lives, but as for me and my siblings, it will always be a constant mark. It has exactly been a month. Today is the 5th of September. It is hard to believe that he is really gone, and that I will never ever get to see or talk to him again. I miss him all the time. And I would always look back to that night of July 18, our last conversation. I replayed it in my head.

Everyday  I have “good” distractions. I take care of my children, my family, and my home. And I know he is very proud of that. He would always tell me that it is a very good thing that I am hands on with my children especially during their younger years. He has always believed of that important role of being a woman. My father lost his mother when he was seven. So I am sure while growing up, he missed her a lot. I hope he is now catching up with grandma, and that he is having the happiest/best time!

mother-kissing-sons-forehead-silhouette-sunset_320x170photo credit: www.bankrate.com

When I Grow To Be A Lady

I was rocking my baby girl to sleep before I wrote this. And suddenly my thoughts were about my old man. My sister and I would always hear him sing a song. I just remember this line  “When you grow to be a lady, you’ll be a queen, a lovely queen. Walking…” That is the only line that was stuck in my head.  I knew he sang that to me when I was a baby and he would always tell me about it while I was growing up.

At this particular moment of my life, that song became very special. I tried to look it up online. I searched in YouTube but nothing came up. I googled it and the search result was very limited. I could neither find the singer nor the song writer. At least I found the lyrics.

When I grow to be a Lady…
I’ll be a queen, a lovely queen
Walking in a garden shady…
In gown of green
with silver sheen
maids in gowns and gold shall follow me
And suitors of a high degree

When I grow to be a lady…
A fine and lovely queenly lady
Then my Prince will come to claim his own
And love will crown me to my throne.

It is very heart warming to know for the first time what the song is all about. And I can clearly hear his voice singing it.

dad and daughterhttps://www.pinterest.com/angelinajustice/silhouette-art/