Ordinary Day

I wish I can talk about something else just like before. Seeing beauty in simple things, so much positivity striving to live a more meaningful life. 

Honestly I am not sure what I feel at present. Definitely it is not vibrant and lovely.  There are days it feels just so ordinary. I go on with my routine taking care of my family and our home. Alongside with it, there are minor distractions. At least I try to convince my mind that it is just minor and does not deserve my energy… But yes, life goes on. It will never pause, never stop even if you lose something or someone. I am living the reality of life. Trying to just move along, going with the flow. Ignoring what is inside, maybe a turmoil, some sadness and darkness. 

The other day I just burst into tears. I usually do not cry. And if I do, it is just for a while. A memory suddenly came to me. I remember maybe it was last Fathers Day, when I was on the phone with my Dad. I just told him I am planning to visit him next year and I could not figure out yet the schedule. I had to wait for my son’s school calendar and work out my visit. I remember he said, “Okay, I’ll be here…” 

What Could Have Been?

Looking at my present,

I smile.

I embrace it.

I believe that I am destined to be here.

By fate, by my choices.

To love and be loved by the people around me.

I will always be grateful and thankful.

And my ultimate purpose is to be a good wife and mother.

To strive to be a good person

To live life to the fullest.

To conquer every challenge.

Then my mind,

It took me a step back or two or more

It took me to the past.

The defining moments when I had to make choices, decisions.

It could have led me to different directions

Many other roads to choose

If given the chance, could I have chosen differently?

Will my life be better or maybe I will face greater challenges?

I will never know the answers.

It is useless to even think about it.

It is what it is.

My  mind just wanders and wonders

It is free to imagine.