It is sad to hear news about tragedies. Today, my heart goes out for the victims in the Las Vegas mass shooting.
What a world we live in.
I always say that having a life, being healthy and alive is a great blessing. We have to be thankful for each waking day. We have to learn to appreciate every blessing we have. To be grateful. Savor life’s beauty and wonder. Be the best version of ourselves. Be happy, be kind to others, be helpful. These are the things I try to teach my children.
However, I also try to explain to them that life is not always easy. It is a reality that bad things happen too. So we need to be strong and courageous. We always have to hold on to our faith and to each other. Whenever we fall, we need to stand and keep moving.
Now, thoughts and prayers are sent to the sick people who need healing (mind, body, & soul). We pray for the healing of the world.
I experienced my first loss when my father passed away. It opened my eyes about this bitter natural phenomenon. I have spent a lot of times pondering about life. After which I have been sensitive and very aware of people I know who are sick and who died. I have a list of the people I know who passed away and I pray for them.
One man who was at my father’s wake and who was helping us around died after a month .
Another family friend we called on the phone to inform them of what happened to my father also passed away in two months.She was sick and was on chemo during the times my Dad was in the hospital.
When I got back to the US,the same fate happened to this old man I always talk to in school. He went to Manila for a vacation. I saw his son and I asked how he was doing. And I was shocked and got teary eyed when he said that he was gone.
Now I heard about some women I know who are sick with Cancer. They happened to be my school mate/classmate. One was from elementary and the other one was from high school. They are the same age as me. They are moms too just like me. And from the time I heard about their fight, I pray for them so they will have courage, strength and most importantly be healed.
I remember other friends who have been battling with disease/sickness for years.
I pray that the sick will be healed. The dead will have peace, happiness, and eternal life. And I wish for us who are left in this world, that we will see life as a gift everyday. That we will be more appreciative and grateful for everything. That we will try to live our lives to their fullest.
Change is the only permanent thing in this life. We have seen it from books, photos, and films how the world around us has changed. Industrialization. Technology. People. Way of Life. Everything changes. Everyone does.
Based on my own experience, there is something else that has remained constant. It is the “inner SELF”. I am not sure how it is called. It maybe a person’s spirit or soul. I feel exactly the same way ten years ago and even twenty years ago. And as far as I remember. I am me.
I grew up and learned more things from school. I am continuously learning from my everyday experiences. Although there have been changes in the environment, in my situation, status, in the physical world, somehow there is still that core being which has remained the same all through the years.
I close my eyes and I have always been that same person. Although when I look at photos of me, I look different each time. I am getting older. And that is something that we can not escape. No matter how rich and beautiful we are. We all do our best to prolong our life. We take care of our bodies. We exercise. We try to look our best. Some are even more fashionable. More luxurious. But we can not stop nature. We will all look old someday. And we know what happens next. Then we are all the same…
When I started blogging, my mind was filled with thoughts, filled with words. My heart felt a lot of things. I could not wait to write them down each day. Writing about my thoughts and feelings helped me resolve some issues I had in me. It taught me a little about forgiveness, about imperfections, humanity, about love. It also helped me discover my passions. It is still helping me get to know myself more and the life around me.
I just noticed one thing and maybe it happens to other people too. When my father went to heaven, it suddenly felt like there is nothing more I can write about. No inspiring stories or reflections in my head. I was not sure how I was feeling. For a long time I just went on with the flow. It has been a year now. I don’t feel the same. However, I find delight in interviewing people who inspire me. Maybe this is a way to get me inspired again and get me back on track.
For now, I will keep looking for that inspiration.
Today I remember my parents who brought me out to this world and raised me, my family who made me whole, and God who gave me life.
I personally would like to thank all the people who took time to greet me. It is heartwarming, as we say it in Filipino (nakakataba ng puso) to read messages even from social media like Facebook. Just imagine each person taking time (just a few seconds) to type in their birthday greetings? It can be as simple as “HBD, Happy birthday or Enjoy your day”. I super appreciate each thought! It means a lot to me. I feel very special on my birthday. Thank you from my heart!
I would just like to share. When I was younger, I was excited for my birthday. As a kid, you look forward to gifts or parties. As the years went by, I felt different about it. I can say I feel a little scared because I know that I am aging. I know we should not look at it that way, but it seems like each year I am marching towards the end of my journey. I am afraid to grow old. I am afraid of death. But you know what, I also feel like as years go by, it is like God is pulling me towards Him. I don’t know maybe it is the same for other people. Aging, growing old makes you reflect on the meaning of life, the meaning of existence. It is no longer about material things. It goes beyond it. My life. The people I love and care about.
For people who really know me, I am not so much into parties or big gatherings. I love people and I love my friends. But truly, I am really more of an introvert. My former boss (Dennis) said, today that I should do something fun. Fun for me is reading all my family and friends’ greetings. Writing about what I feel and maybe “fluting” later. I felt very inspired too that one of our school former teacher (who is now a conductor of an Orchestra) wished me a happy birthday. He told me to keep fluting! : ) It meant so much to me. Today I feel really special because my hubby took off from work and will just spend the day with me. He will take me out to lunch. Will also do something fun with the kids later. I told my children last night that they are my greatest birthday gifts ever!
One last thing. I wish to grow more in wisdom. I want to be more appreciative of each moment. I am not perfect and will never be. And this world isn’t too. We can not please everybody. That is one lesson I have learned. Some people still won’t like me. But some do love me!!! And I guess growing in wisdom is like learning how to strike a balance, knowing your focus or priorities, and accepting some facts about living. Lastly, is giving your darn best to be good. Just be a good wife, a good mom, a good person.
Wishing you a happy life as well! Thank you for everything!!!
Nine months ago (today) was the last time I spoke to him. I keep playing our last conversation in my head. I can still see how he looked like when we were chatting through Face time. I remember all the things he said to me that night. They just finished with lunch, while my day just ended. Told them stories about my son’s 7th birthday party.
Yes I am still counting days. Eight months without Tatay (Daddy). But as everyone is saying, it will get better in time. I can say, we are getting used to the fact of him physically gone. Few weeks ago, I just deleted all his hospital photos from my phone. I had to let go. Maybe part of the healing process. I felt I was done looking at those sad memories, and I try not to hold on to those last 14 days. It was traumatic.
I always think of him. And pray for him. I still feel sad. I still cry. I know it is natural to feel that way when you know you have lost someone forever. And it will remain that way as long as I am here because love never ends.
Is there an afterlife? Where do they really go? Does he still know what is going on for us he left behind? Does he hear it when we talk to him? Does God tell him our messages to him? Can he still see us? Does he really visit in dreams?
I hope wherever he is right now (heaven or in a different dimension) he feels and knows that we are always with him. Our love is always with him! And if there is really that somewhere, someday we will be together. After we complete our mission, our journey.
Just in case that it is just the end of everything, I am just grateful that he was part of my life. His memories and our love will keep him alive. God’s love. His love. That same love I am passing on to my children. And they to their future. And that love goes on forever.
I try to put myself in his shoes. I would understand if my children will feel sad. But I do not want them to live that way. I want them to live and be happy. Be assured that my love will be with them although I am no longer around. This id possible. Think that there are a lot of mysteries in this life. Some of those things people can not comprehend or have not discovered yet…
Literally, every time I watch this commercial, tears flow from my eyes. No matter how many times I have seen it. It is funny how my children look at me or call me whenever it is on.
I guess I think about my daughter and my husband. I think about my dad. I think about childhood and parenting. Children growing up. People growing old. I ponder on the cycle of life. Of how we all have common experiences in life. And no matter how sad or scary, we all have to go through it. And of course, never fail to see the happiness and beauty that also come with it.