Yesterday afternoon, we let baby bird out. We were all hoping that he would fly away. Unfortunately it was still the same. It just stood there in front of us. He can’t fly.
Before night-time, we put it again in the little open box. We secured it making sure no predators could get it. I was alarmed since I saw a big cat and a rat somewhere on the wall. We live by the park so those creatures are free to go on the other side of the fence.
It was fun yesterday. My kids loved the baby bird. I took some photos of it. It is so adorable. Such a sweet little creation of God. We have been wishing that it will just be strong to fly high and be with its family.
This morning, I went to check on him but he was gone. The little baby bird was lying down with eyes closed. I could not look any more. I cried. I just realized the reason why I refuse to have pets. I am afraid of this feeling of loss. It reminded me of my Dad in the hospital. We gave him everything he needed to get better. The most expensive medicines each day. No matter how much you try to save the life, death is inevitable if the body is weak. It is just really extending the life. I just find it a comfort that at least the big cat, opossum, and rat did not get it.
I did not take a photo of it lifeless. I just want to keep the good memories although they were short. Just like how I stopped and avoided looking at my Dad’s photos in the hospital.
Life is precious. It is a gift. Life is short. Enjoy each moment. Love with all your heart.
Here is the video I took of our baby bird the first day we found it. Bye baby bird… : (
I do not have a pet. I do not really consider myself as an animal lover. I might find them cute but I can not take care of them (especially dogs and cats). I always think that they will bite me! I think fish and birds are fine. Just don’t make me touch them.
Yesterday, my husband noticed a gray and yellow baby bird in our backyard. It was on the same spot for a very long time. We were thinking the bird was hurt and it can’t fly. We called in our kids to help us “rescue” the baby bird. True enough, it can’t fly and it looked sick/weak. So we put him in our little yellow box, gave it water and rice. It was almost night-time and we did not want to leave it there alone. We wanted to keep it safe from its predators (particularly rat and opossum).
After a while, we heard a lot of “tweets”. We saw two big birds of the same kind. We were thinking that it’s the parents. And on one of the plants another baby bird fell. Same with the previous one, it did not know how to fly. We took it and placed him with the other baby bird in the yellow box. They had to stay with us for a night. We put a protective cover on the box and surrounded it with blankets so they won’t get cold in the night.
Early after breakfast, we checked if the birds were strong enough to fly. The other one kept moving and looked liked it was ready to fly. As I opened the cover, it flew quickly and all up on the tree. It looked like it can fly although not too high. On the other hand, the other one just stayed in the box. It did not move. Guess it was not ready to go out and fly.
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At lunch time, I checked if the bird was ready. When I opened the cover, it jumped out and slowly flew up on the green onion leaves. It stayed there for more than an hour. I kept my eye on it because I think it can’t fly yet. I was scared that a predator will get him for lunch.
I tried to put him back in the box but I was scared. It did not like it. It was threatened whenever I tried to. I wore my gloves but I really get scared when it tries to peck me!!! So I had to wait for a while. Then from afar I witnessed something great. A big yellow bird swiftly flew by the baby bird and placed something in its mouth. The mommy bird fed its baby! It was really amazing. I was debating myself if I should put it back in the box or just leave it there by itself. At least it’s close to its mom or dad and they can see him.
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There was something in me that did not want to. I was afraid that it will be helpless when a hungry animal comes. So just right in time, I saw a big rat running close to where the bird was. I had to make sounds to shoo it away! I felt so terrible. I was scared to find out what happened. It was my nightmare. My baby looked for the bird. She said it’s gone. I was feeling awful. Then we heard a tweet. We found it on the other plant nearby. Maybe it was able to escape. Although I was scared, I hurriedly got the gloves and a little stick to help me put it in the box. I had to do it to keep it safe!
I felt good that I did it! Now he is again safe in the yellow box. We will try again later to see if he can fly. If not, it has to stay for another night. We can see its mom/dad just flying around lingering in the backyard. Maybe they’re keeping an eye on their baby. I hope they understand that we are just keeping their baby until its strong enough to go back into their wings.
Most of us are fans of someone or something. We have our favorites! Certain types of people and things appeal to us. As they say, beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
And you are familiar with that fan mode feeling, right? The excitement, the joy, the inspiration they bring to us. It is sometimes overwhelming!
For those of you who have followed me, you know that I have started playing the flute again. Some twenty plus years ago, I had my summer lesson playing the flute. And after sometime, I just stopped. Now I am wondering I could have been a very good musician now if I kept playing. But it’s okay. We all know that we can not go back to the past. All I have is NOW. I am just glad that I got back to playing 3 months ago. I just do self-study. So far, I am enjoying it. I even put up a Youtube Channel (thehomemaker’smusic) just to compile my videos and to watch for improvements. My goal is to get better, enjoy the music and bring smiles to my friends and family. And hopefully to other people too.
Going back to my previous thoughts, what would you feel if your “idol”, the person you’re considering as your role model/good example followed you back on Instagram? It was so funny when one night, I suddenly leaped and screamed for joy. My favorite flutist just followed me back on Instagram (khris_79))!!! My husband and son were smiling and were very happy for me.“Bevani followed me and she liked my video!”
There are so many great flutists around the globe. Amazing players I look up to. But something in Bevani I really liked. When I see her, I think of these words: Talented, Relevant, Vibrant, Confident, Expression, Emotions.
I am so proud and happy that I was able to get in touch with her and ask her questions. She was very gracious to respond. Below were the questions I asked and her responses (verbatim).
1. When did you first hold a flute? How old were you?
I was 7 years old.
2. Why flute?
My mom loved the sound of flute and thought it would be a good fit for me – she was right. I had a very good tone right from the start.
3. What or who influenced you to play the flute?
Like I said, my mom started me on the flute but my flute teacher kept me going. She was creative and patient and really encouraged me to continue to practice. I’ll admit there were lots of times I wanted to quit but she kept me on track in a kind way.
4. Can you please briefly share your music education background?
I studied with Heidi Ehle fro 7-18 years old. During this time I participated in the local competitions. I began teaching flute lessons at 16 years old, which helped me walk my talk. I encouraged all my students to practice more which in turn helped me practice more. I joined the Seattle Youth Orchestra when I was a Sr. in High School and won the concerto competition within the orchestra. I performed this solo in Benaroya hall which had a big impact on me and gave me confidence to continue flute in college. I studied flute at University of Puget Sound with Karla Flygare 2004-2008. Then went to University of Santa Barbara California from 2008-2010. During these years of college study I participated in lots of master classes studying with famous flutist from around the world and competed in local competitions. I won the concerto competition at UPS and UCSB.
4. How many hours a day do you practice?
This has changed over the years – in college 2-3 almost every day. Now 1-2 almost every day but sometimes I take a week off.
5. Favorite piece/song you play
Too many and I think it changes all the time. Sometime a good pop song is so enjoyable and sometime I need some French flute music or classical songs to keep my fingers and chops really engaged.
6. How do you see yourself in 5 years in terms of music?
A few more albums – hopefully another electronic original. I’ve always wanted to put Mozart with electronic beats, lots more music videos, teaching online lessons, performing at schools and inspiring kids. A tour in the U.S and Europe!
7. Advice on people like me who are aspiring to be good musicians.
Keep practicing – it takes time. Make clear goals. Track your improvement by recording yourself and practicing with a metronome. Find musicians that inspire you. Find a teacher you like. Play with other musicians. Learn from the numerous resources online and remember there are lots of way to be a musician. There is not one route so see if you can kind find ways to play music that inspires you.
This week is the third month I have been reunited with my baby flute after more than 15 years! And it has been a pleasure playing it for these past months. I will be forever thankful to that one summer lesson when I was 15 or 16. So it has been 2 decades ago.
At present, I have been doing self-study. I do not know if I will still have the time to go on formal classes.
Playing has helped me heal in my grieving process. Music has power.
So sharing with you my imperfect version of The Prayer. God bless you all!!!
I pray you’ll be our eyes
And watch us where we go
And help us to be wise
In times when we don’t know
Let this be our prayer
when we lose our way
Lead us to a place
Guide us with your grace
To a place where we’ll be safe.
Today I remember my parents who brought me out to this world and raised me, my family who made me whole, and God who gave me life.
I personally would like to thank all the people who took time to greet me. It is heartwarming, as we say it in Filipino (nakakataba ng puso) to read messages even from social media like Facebook. Just imagine each person taking time (just a few seconds) to type in their birthday greetings? It can be as simple as “HBD, Happy birthday or Enjoy your day”. I super appreciate each thought! It means a lot to me. I feel very special on my birthday. Thank you from my heart!
I would just like to share. When I was younger, I was excited for my birthday. As a kid, you look forward to gifts or parties. As the years went by, I felt different about it. I can say I feel a little scared because I know that I am aging. I know we should not look at it that way, but it seems like each year I am marching towards the end of my journey. I am afraid to grow old. I am afraid of death. But you know what, I also feel like as years go by, it is like God is pulling me towards Him. I don’t know maybe it is the same for other people. Aging, growing old makes you reflect on the meaning of life, the meaning of existence. It is no longer about material things. It goes beyond it. My life. The people I love and care about.
For people who really know me, I am not so much into parties or big gatherings. I love people and I love my friends. But truly, I am really more of an introvert. My former boss (Dennis) said, today that I should do something fun. Fun for me is reading all my family and friends’ greetings. Writing about what I feel and maybe “fluting” later. I felt very inspired too that one of our school former teacher (who is now a conductor of an Orchestra) wished me a happy birthday. He told me to keep fluting! : ) It meant so much to me. Today I feel really special because my hubby took off from work and will just spend the day with me. He will take me out to lunch. Will also do something fun with the kids later. I told my children last night that they are my greatest birthday gifts ever!
One last thing. I wish to grow more in wisdom. I want to be more appreciative of each moment. I am not perfect and will never be. And this world isn’t too. We can not please everybody. That is one lesson I have learned. Some people still won’t like me. But some do love me!!! And I guess growing in wisdom is like learning how to strike a balance, knowing your focus or priorities, and accepting some facts about living. Lastly, is giving your darn best to be good. Just be a good wife, a good mom, a good person.
Wishing you a happy life as well! Thank you for everything!!!
Nine months ago (today) was the last time I spoke to him. I keep playing our last conversation in my head. I can still see how he looked like when we were chatting through Face time. I remember all the things he said to me that night. They just finished with lunch, while my day just ended. Told them stories about my son’s 7th birthday party.
Yes I am still counting days. Eight months without Tatay (Daddy). But as everyone is saying, it will get better in time. I can say, we are getting used to the fact of him physically gone. Few weeks ago, I just deleted all his hospital photos from my phone. I had to let go. Maybe part of the healing process. I felt I was done looking at those sad memories, and I try not to hold on to those last 14 days. It was traumatic.
I always think of him. And pray for him. I still feel sad. I still cry. I know it is natural to feel that way when you know you have lost someone forever. And it will remain that way as long as I am here because love never ends.
Is there an afterlife? Where do they really go? Does he still know what is going on for us he left behind? Does he hear it when we talk to him? Does God tell him our messages to him? Can he still see us? Does he really visit in dreams?
I hope wherever he is right now (heaven or in a different dimension) he feels and knows that we are always with him. Our love is always with him! And if there is really that somewhere, someday we will be together. After we complete our mission, our journey.
Just in case that it is just the end of everything, I am just grateful that he was part of my life. His memories and our love will keep him alive. God’s love. His love. That same love I am passing on to my children. And they to their future. And that love goes on forever.
I try to put myself in his shoes. I would understand if my children will feel sad. But I do not want them to live that way. I want them to live and be happy. Be assured that my love will be with them although I am no longer around. This id possible. Think that there are a lot of mysteries in this life. Some of those things people can not comprehend or have not discovered yet…
Someday, somewhere
We’ll find a new way of living
Will find a way of forgiving
Somewhere…
There’s a place for us
Somewhere a place for us
Peace and quiet and open air
Wait for us
Somewhere
There’s a time for us
Someday there’ll time for us
Time together and time to spare
Time to learn, time to care
Someday, somewhere
We’ll find a new way of living
Will find there’s a way of forgiving
Somewhere…
There’s a place for us
A time and place for us
Hold my hand and we’re half way there
Hold my hand and I’ll take you there
Somehow…
Someday, somewhere…
Literally, every time I watch this commercial, tears flow from my eyes. No matter how many times I have seen it. It is funny how my children look at me or call me whenever it is on.
I guess I think about my daughter and my husband. I think about my dad. I think about childhood and parenting. Children growing up. People growing old. I ponder on the cycle of life. Of how we all have common experiences in life. And no matter how sad or scary, we all have to go through it. And of course, never fail to see the happiness and beauty that also come with it.
Through blogging, I have come to know myself better. And I am continuously learning about a lot of things in the world, about being human. About living.
Part of this learning is finding my passion. The ultimate role or mission I have at the moment is being a family woman. Being there for the children, for the husband, and caring for the house, for the home. I say 90% of what I do is for those mentioned. And the remaining is for myself. I discovered my passion for blogging and playing music. These two for some reasons bring joy to me. I feel I can do these things for hours without getting bored (unlike when I run on the treadmill for 20 minutes).
I talked about my flute in my past post (Playing Music) sometime in January 2016. For almost two months now, I have done something for myself. I have done it by self-study. Practiced playing the instrument during spare time from the mommy duties. So here, I would like to share with you some songs.
I usually share some clips on my Instagram account (khris_79). Some of you who are my IG buddies know that : ) Hope your day will be filled with music.
There was a time when my head was filled with thoughts. I had to write them down. They were overflowing. My heart was filled with emotions. I had to let them out.
I am not sure if it has something to do with the sudden loss of a loved one. But after that event, it seems like I have nothing much to say. Maybe my mind is still full of him. Or my heart still grieves.
I have not been writing as much. Instead I focus on music. I find it comforting. Healing. Some of the clips I share to my Instagram account (khris_79).
I know I will be back on track someday. For now, I will just let things be.
I hope you are doing fine as well as you read this. Keep inspiring others. Keep searching for that passion. Do things that will make you happy. Happy life. God bless you all.
K.Lazaro 