On Its Second Year

 

It is true what they say. In time you will no longer feel much pain. You will keep moving. You’ll finally get used to the absence.

As much as I love him,  I try not to dwell on the thought that we lost him. I try to see it in a different perspective. He lives in us, we carry him in our hearts.

I still cry but not as much as I did. When he crosses my mind I feel sad but I feel much stronger now.

Although there are moments when I can’t help the tears especially when things around me bring vivid memories of him.

Like last night my kids were playing with their Dad. My little girl was walking on his back and saying that she’s giving him a massage. I remembered during our younger days when we would do the same. Tears fell from my eyes.

Just a while ago when we were watching one of our favorite comedy shows, if featured the 1980 something show called Knight Rider. I remembered the talking black car called KITT, that drove super fast, was bulletproof, fireproof, and helped Michael fought injustices in the world. It brought up some childhood memories. My siblings and I were fond of the super powered car that we named our family car, Kit. If I remember it right, our father even put up a moving light in front of our car pretending that we’re really driving Kit! Something like this:

kitt

Every morning, to wake up my kids, I put up the curtain and let the sunlight into our bedroom. I talk to them or sing to them just the way our old man did.

I know there will be more reminders along the way. One clear proof that our love ones continue to live…

 

 

Advertisements

Mother’s Day 2016

Pretty hands have grown old through the years

Doing all kinds of chores and caring for me

Those wrinkly eyes still have their glow

Always watching over me.

Now that I have grown

Got a family of my own

Something will forever be the same

Her heart wishing me all the best

Her heart full of love for me

~ Tin Lazaro

Carmen is her name.  From Latin origin, it means “song,” “tune,” or “poem” and is also the root of the English word charm. Truly, she is music. It has always been her first love. And I thank her for bringing music into our lives. From then until now, she has always been so generous to me and my siblings. Whenever she would get home, she has little things for us. More importantly, she always gives us the emotional support we need. She rescues us and lifts us up when we are troubled.. She has always been so selfless putting our happiness and welfare before hers. She is our guide, our light.

Evelyn is her name. She raised me too. She was a great influence in giving us the best education we can ever have. I remember her enrolling us in schools, taking us to music classes (voice and flute) and even taking us to our facial care sessions in high school. She has also influenced me in terms of religious/church affiliation… A woman does not have to bear the child to become a mother. You can raise children and be a mother too. It does not have to be biological. It is all about the love and care through the years.

I have aunties/Tita/Tia (both blood related and not) who I look up to as Moms. They are the women who inspire me, who support me and care for me through the different chapters in my life as a wife and mother.

I also remember my mother-in-law, Araceli,  who gave life to my better half, the reason I have become a mother too.  I remember my sisters and girl friends who are mothers as well.  I think about all the mothers around who have dedicated their lives to raising children. Raising kids is a complex and yet beautiful mission. It goes beyond providing material/physical needs. There is emotional, intellectual, and spiritual responsibilities. It is a mission for life.

No mother is perfect. Not even me. We just keep doing our best to give our children a good life, a solid foundation that will guide them even when we will no longer be around. We keep doing our best in giving them happy memories.

Play with them, read to them, converse with them. We keep praying for them.

This song I played is dedicated to all the Mommies in the world. It is entitled “Sa Ugoy ng Duyan, ” a Filipino lullaby co-written by Lucio San Pedro and Levi Celerio, who were both National Artists of the Philippines.

Source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sa_Ugoy_ng_Duyan

“The lyrics are written in the first person point of view. It is made up of two stanzas, with four lines each.

In the first stanza, the singer wishes that his childhood and his memories of his mother will never fade. He also wants to hear his mother’s song again, which to him is a song of love.

In the second stanza, he describes his sleep as being peaceful, while stars watch and guard him. For him, his life becomes heaven whenever his mother sings him her lullaby. Finally, he reveals the reason for his longing: he is enduring some hardship, and this is why he was longing for his mother’s lullaby.

In the final line (coda), the singer addresses his mother and wishes that he could sleep again in his old cradle.”

Upcoming Storm

Anticipating, thinking about the concept of fear, discomfort, anxiety makes me really feel it for real. Having a headache now getting worried about my concern. I am aware it must be all in the mind. Focus. Be courageous. And remember all those inspirations and lessons I have been holding to. But too much rationalizing makes me tired and sleepy. I noticed since I was very young, when I had concerns, problems, heartaches, I felt sleepy most of the time. Maybe tired from thinking?

Let me just worry tomorrow. I will sleep now so my mind and body will work efficiently… and will be rational! I know after the upcoming storm, no matter how long it would stay, I would still be alive and I will survive.

How Can I Love Thee?

“You can not do anything. She is family.”  This is what my 86 year old Aunt said to me. I love listening to her advices for they are filled with important lessons about living. She possesses a different perspective on life.

I do not want to sound judgmental on this post. I will do my best to be objective. I understand that each person can be different considering the different personalities, genes, family and the environment where he or she was raised in. We should respect people. If they are different from you, it does not mean you are better than them….  But my point is, there is a “general or basic” rule! We know how to differentiate the good from the bad, pleasing and not pleasing, annoying and amiable, nice and mean. So on and so forth.

How does this sound like? Wherever this person goes, she always gets into trouble, argument, quarrel, squabble, fight, or disagreement (call it however you want) with the people around her. Boastful, proud, self centered, self righteous, knows it all kind of person, most of all tactless and insensitive? Words that come out of her mouth seem not appropriate most of the time and can usually be offensive? She might not be aware of how unpleasing she is but the people around her can attest to that.  Should she be excused of her bad behavior? What else can you do if she is someone you can never get rid of no matter how far you run away from her? Although we did not branch out from the same tree, her journey is intertwined with mine at some point. What choice do I have?

I guess in a lifetime, it is realistic that one may not like or love everybody.  And this does not make us lesser good people. This makes me think of God’s commandment to love your neighbors as yourself. Love one another… How can you actually love someone you do not like? I wonder if respect and being civil to one another is good enough.

Carry on! : )

At Its CORE

I read posts of my fellow bloggers.

Listen to their experiences, see what they think and how they feel.

Some are very good with words. They are amazingly talented.  Words are beautifully written. They are very inspiring. Full of insights and wisdom.

Some are plain and simple. Straightforward. It is like you can hear them directly speaking to you! They are heart warming and you can easily relate to them.

No matter how we say it or present it differently, when you look at its core, we all share the same things. Yes each of us is unique and we have so many differences . but there is something at the core. I do not know if you will agree, but that is how I see it. Superficially, we look different but as I have said before, looking beyond it, we are somehow the same. Human beings. We are brothers and sisters.

Have a blessed day guys!

Cry Mommy Cry

And so, I am doing my usual momma duties. Then the TV is on. And it reminded me that Mother’s Day is coming up. I see these mother’s day commercials and they all make me cry. Why? Why am I such a cry baby? I cry over a movie, a commercial, a song, a story, and anything. I look so funny. But I do not care. Cry me a river!

Just before I make this post, this commercial made me cry! You may want to watch it. Happy Mother’s Day to all the Moms in the world!