Life Changes

I just learned about one big news that will change my life. I can not tell you right now, but I will for sure. Soon.

Have you ever had that feeling that you strongly need to write down some  things in your  head but could not find how to begin or how to say them?

When that feeling is overflowing and words are just too much? And you just do not have all the time to sit down and figure it out?

I sound overwhelmed, confused, then maybe a little anxious (but it does not mean I am unhappy). There is just the strong urge to mentally figure things out and one way that has always been a big help to me is whenever I write them down. In relation to where I am at the moment, I guess my blogging here is not really for other people but for myself… Although partly, I really wish I inspire others too in little ways since I am already connecting outside of myself.

This is how I cope up. I write. Something I have always done since childhood. The only difference is paper and pencil versus the technology.

I am babbling now. I do not know if I made sense. I am sure I am going to write about this next time. I will figure it out. And you will understand what is going on in this crazy head of mine : )

What Makes You Happy?

The other day I was all smiles

They delivered my new pet.

Zooming around the house,

I was singing in joy while pushing it around.

I felt very happy…

When I was a little girl I was thrilled with gifts like toys or new clothes

I felt equally the same when I got my new cleaning vacuum : )

 

This morning I had a “disciplining” moment with my boy

Just right before he went to school.

I do not like feeling mad and sad.

I felt my chest so tight.

And to relieve the stress

I started moving the furniture around.

My little girl asked, “Mommy why are you moving stuff?”

She was jumping on the couch and having a great time.

I rearranged the living room and gave it a different look!

 

Now I feel recharged.

I believe I am really getting old…

Vacuum and rearranging the house?

I feel it was unleashing my creativity.

 

Now I feel happy again.

A Year of Blogging

Today marks my First Anniversary here in WordPress!

I can not believe that it has already been a year!

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Photo credit: www.astraone.com

I just want to say thank you for being a friend to me on this journey.

I thank words for helping me express my thoughts and emotions

                     and for keeping my sanity,

                      deepening my appreciation for life

I hope I have inspired someone along the way. This would really make me happy.

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Photo credit: www.clipartsheep.com

I will continue to write as long as I can for words will surely live longer than me.

Words last forever.

I want my children, grandchildren, my descendants, family and friends to have a glimpse of who I am.

Something that my ancestors did not have. Yes, I see some of their photos or I know them by name.

But with words, it goes beyond that.

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For now, continue to live life. Be inspired. Embrace it and all the people who journey with us.

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God bless us all : )

Nothingness

Tiny little seed

Little sprouts

Slowly growing

Day by day aging

Roots gone deeper

Through time

Clinging  more to the ground

Woven memories

The mighty tree

Suddenly disappeared

Only non existent

A strange feeling

Centenarian tree with large trunk and big roots above the ground

Photo credit: songofdawn.com

Each Moment

It is true what they say that you will never truly understand something unless you experience it yourself.

In the past, I felt sorry for family and friends who lost their loved ones. I went to wakes, funeral services, and showed compassion. There were times when I also wept with them. But then my life went on. I just feel sad when I remember those who passed away and I say my prayers to them.

Losing someone who is actually very close to your heart can actually be different. I refer to the loss of a parent, sibling, spouse, child or a very close friend.  I have felt the change in me. Days pass by, months go by, and I carry that feeling of sadness in my heart, that feeling of loss. I believe it will linger even in the years to come and for the rest of my life. I guess this is something constant as I move along.

This little feeling in me reminds me of the bittersweet reality of life. It is just a cycle.  I can imagine how my kids will feel the same way when it will be my turn someday. All of us will feel a loss. And all of us will leave our loved ones behind. For those of us who are still here, we have to make the most out of our lives. Cherish the memories of the people who left. Be reminded about the many reasons why we have to be grateful each day, be more human, and loving to the people who are part of our journey.

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I Remember

Random memories of you often visit me 
Especially at times when I am still

Suddenly the rain pours down…

40th Day After Death

It is 12 noon right now, September 12, 2015.  In the Philippines, it is already 3am of September 13. Today is the 4oth day after the death of my father. 

“The 40th Day after death is a traditional memorial service, family gathering, ceremonies and rituals in memory of the departed on the 40th day after his/her death. The 40th Day concludes the 40 day memorial period and has a major significance in traditions of Orthodox Slavs. It is believed that the soul of the departed remains wandering on Earth during the 40 day period, coming back home, visiting places the departed has lived in as well as his fresh grave (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/40th_Day_after_death).”

At around 1am earlier, my daughter woke up. I had to put her back to sleep. I also had to go out of the bedroom to lower down the AC temperature. Something startled me. Walking through the isle, I saw a our radio/cd player was lit up and the radio was on playing music! It was loud and tuned in to our favorite FM station. I was not scared but it gave me goosebumps! I took courage and walked in the dark to unplug the radio/cd player. It happened a couple of times already in the past. I am sure it is an electrical issue or an appliance issue. Maybe it is just a coincidence that it happened now on the 40th day after his passing. Maybe he is saying goodbye?

Rest In Peace my beloved and forever love. You will be truly missed everyday. Your memories will stay in our hearts.

Eternal rest grant unto him O Lord, and let perpetual light shine upon him. May his soul through the mercy of God, rest in peace. Amen. 

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The First Month

I woke up this morning and reality hit me once more.  A lot of family and friends may forget as we go on with our lives, but as for me and my siblings, it will always be a constant mark. It has exactly been a month. Today is the 5th of September. It is hard to believe that he is really gone, and that I will never ever get to see or talk to him again. I miss him all the time. And I would always look back to that night of July 18, our last conversation. I replayed it in my head.

Everyday  I have “good” distractions. I take care of my children, my family, and my home. And I know he is very proud of that. He would always tell me that it is a very good thing that I am hands on with my children especially during their younger years. He has always believed of that important role of being a woman. My father lost his mother when he was seven. So I am sure while growing up, he missed her a lot. I hope he is now catching up with grandma, and that he is having the happiest/best time!

mother-kissing-sons-forehead-silhouette-sunset_320x170photo credit: www.bankrate.com

When I Grow To Be A Lady

I was rocking my baby girl to sleep before I wrote this. And suddenly my thoughts were about my old man. My sister and I would always hear him sing a song. I just remember this line  “When you grow to be a lady, you’ll be a queen, a lovely queen. Walking…” That is the only line that stuck in my head.  I knew he sang that to me when I was a baby and he would always tell me about it while I was growing up.

At this particular moment of my life, that song became very special. I tried to looked it up online. I searched in YouTube but nothing came up. I googled it and the search result was very limited. I could neither find the singer nor the song writer. At least I found the lyrics.

When I grow to be a Lady…
I’ll be a queen, a lovely queen
Walking in a garden shady…
In gown of green
with silver sheen
maids in gowns and gold shall follow me
And suitors of a high degree

When I grow to be a lady…
A fine and lovely queenly lady
Then my Prince will come to claim his own
And love will crown me to my throne.

It is very heart warming to know for the first time what the song is all about. And I can clearly hear his voice singing it.

dad and daughterhttps://www.pinterest.com/angelinajustice/silhouette-art/