When I started blogging, my mind was filled with thoughts, filled with words. My heart felt a lot of things. I could not wait to write them down each day. Writing about my thoughts and feelings helped me resolve some issues I had in me. It taught me a little about forgiveness, about imperfections, humanity, about love. It also helped me discover my passions. It is still helping me get to know myself more and the life around me.
I just noticed one thing and maybe it happens to other people too. When my father went to heaven, it suddenly felt like there is nothing more I can write about. No inspiring stories or reflections in my head. I was not sure how I was feeling. For a long time I just went on with the flow. It has been a year now. I don’t feel the same. However, I find delight in interviewing people who inspire me. Maybe this is a way to get me inspired again and get me back on track.
For now, I will keep looking for that inspiration.
There was a time when my head was filled with thoughts. I had to write them down. They were overflowing. My heart was filled with emotions. I had to let them out.
I am not sure if it has something to do with the sudden loss of a loved one. But after that event, it seems like I have nothing much to say. Maybe my mind is still full of him. Or my heart still grieves.
I have not been writing as much. Instead I focus on music. I find it comforting. Healing. Some of the clips I share to my Instagram account (khris_79).
I know I will be back on track someday. For now, I will just let things be.
I hope you are doing fine as well as you read this. Keep inspiring others. Keep searching for that passion. Do things that will make you happy. Happy life. God bless you all.
Winter break is almost over. One more day and everybody goes back to school and starts work. The weather forecast says there will be high chances of rain starting Monday until Friday, the first week of January 2016. I will surely be back to my regular routine. Hopefully I will have more chance to do my mini projects for 2016, finish organizing the garage, and be able to read/surf/write more. One major project I have in mind is organizing all photos in my computer. But I am sure I will not be able to work on that any time soon. Maybe years from now when I have nothing else to do. One at a time : )
Since I got back home, I usually feel sad, stressed out, and my temper short. I do my very best just to be a good mother although there are a lot of times my patience is being challenged.. Mind you, I generally feel happy and glad that I am back to personally take care of my family. My mother in law is still here until the end of this month as well as my mom. Maybe when things get back to normal, meaning my own established routine, and it will just be us home, slowly I will be able to have more time alone, hopefully more time to think and heal. School day starts soon and I am sure things will get back on track.
If nowadays I feel down, I know very soon I will again be the happiest.
I still count my blessings. All my friends who care, my family, my brother and sisters… And do not forget, the beer and the wine! 😉
I wish I can talk about something else just like before. Seeing beauty in simple things, so much positivity striving to live a more meaningful life.
Honestly I am not sure what I feel at present. Definitely it is not vibrant and lovely. There are days it feels just so ordinary. I go on with my routine taking care of my family and our home. Alongside with it, there are minor distractions. At least I try to convince my mind that it is just minor and does not deserve my energy… But yes, life goes on. It will never pause, never stop even if you lose something or someone. I am living the reality of life. Trying to just move along, going with the flow. Ignoring what is inside, maybe a turmoil, some sadness and darkness.
The other day I just burst into tears. I usually do not cry. And if I do, it is just for a while. A memory suddenly came to me. I remember maybe it was last Fathers Day, when I was on the phone with my Dad. I just told him I am planning to visit him next year and I could not figure out yet the schedule. I had to wait for my son’s school calendar and work out my visit. I remember he said, “Okay, I’ll be here…”
I used to read my fellow bloggers’ posts to get insights, wisdom, and inspiration everyday. I have not been too active these past few weeks. I would like to apologize for not being around, for not visiting your sites often. Soon, I will get back on track. With my Dad’s passing, I am just existing and going with the flow.
I know you will all still be there after this. Keep shining and inspiring!
I am double sad…. First, my dad is still in the hospital. I still hope he will be better. I hope he will be healed and will regain his health. The good thing is I will be flying back home but I have to leave my kids behind. It is my very first time to be away from them and it drives me crazy. Separation anxiety. But I should keep thinking that all these things happen for a reason.
A very good friend of mine came to visit me last weekend. He said he has been reading my blogs. BUT he just wishes something else from my posts. I did not really get what he meant, but I know he meant well. I only got the sense that for him, sometimes, my focus is vague. I love constructive criticism. And to be honest, I never really thought of technicalities. I guess it is getting clearer to me. I am not really writing for someone else… to please people. I am not also considering monetary factor as of now (but if luck will come for reasons I do not know how, I would gladly welcome it). My point is, I am expressing myself. I am letting my thoughts and feelings out. Just like how I did when I was writing in my diary when I was growing up. Each post is a reflection of what is happening in me, inside my head and my heart, a reflection of my journey. It may be pretty to some but lacking sense to somebody else. There is no right or wrong. It does not really matter. I am expressing myself and sharing it to the world and to the Universe. Who knows it can lift spirit of someone who has a similar journey as mine. I know you understand what I mean. I am sure some of you are writing for the same reasons.