Last night, I found out that a person I knew just passed away. He had a heart attack last week. I could not stop thinking about him because exactly three months ago he was at my father’s wake trying to help out. Who would ever think that he will be gone? Truly death comes like a thief in the night.
At this point in my life, I just figured out my greatest fear. To see a loved one gone, and the thought of leaving my family behind. With my father’s passing, I often think about things pertaining to the after life, about our existence, and some other “weird” things. It is like seeing things differently. Talking to my husband keeps me grounded. He would plainly state that it is the reality of life. So he does not really think or worry about it. That it is something that we should accept. Maybe I am just about to learn that step.
Last night I told him about one of the things I always pray for. And I said he should pray the same thing so it makes us two. I said I hope we will be blessed together with a long life (I state specifically at least 90 years old) so we can see our children and grand children grow. He replied, “Whatever is God’s will.”
Now, when I kiss or embrace my family, it feels more than that. When I say some good words to a friend or to a relative, I truly mean it. Slowly, my heart is learning how to forgive and how to sing to each waking moment.
This song was in my head when I woke up and I feel the need to share it. It is a beautiful Filipino gospel song. I really love the acoustic version but unfortunately, there is no vocal. For non-Filipino speakers, I included an English translation below. I hope you do enjoy the music.
Sino Ako?
Hiram sa Diyos ang aking buhay
Ikaw at ako’y tanging handog lamang
Di ko ninais na ako’y isilang
Ngunit salamat dahil my buhay
Ligaya ko na ako’y isilang
Pagkat tao ay mayroong dangal
Sino’ng may pag-ibig?
Sino’ng nagmahal?Kun’di ang tao Diyos ang pinagmulan
Kun’di ako umiibig
Kundi ko man bigyang halaga
Ang buhay na handog
Ang buhay kong hiram sa Diyos
Kundi ako nagmahal
Sino Ako?
Who Am I? (English translation)
My life is only borrowed from God
We’re only a living sacrifice
I did not wish to be born but it’s
A God given blessing to have a life
I am glad that I was born…
I am born with dignity
I have love and I know how to love
Because God first loved me
If I didn’t know how to love
If I didn’t know how to be grateful of
The life that God has given me
Then what is my worth?
This afternoon, we visited a petting zoo close to our home. It was our second time there and my kids had so much fun as usual…
It is a typical fun place for families and one beautiful sight just caught my attention.Two baby goats napping under a tree. I thought they are siblings.
I have not been writing for a couple of days now. I have been busy thinking and doing a lot of things and also preparing for my 7 year’s old upcoming birthday celebration.
My mind, heart, soul, and spirit are doing all they can to be on its best condition. Our journey goes on! I am wishing you all the best in your endeavor, may it be on writing or on something else.
I will write soon! And I can not wait to have more time reading your posts!
Every morning when I bring my son to school, there is an old man standing by the gate. He is there to keep his granddaughter company while waiting for the bell to ring. I found out that they just moved in here (He was from India) and the little girl was new in school. We would always smile at each other and engage in some conversations. After dropping of the kids in school, I usually see him walk around the block.
Since last week we were walking to school too. The weather has been nice and I need to exercise! This morning, the old man was walking behind us. His name is Hussein. We talked for a while. For just a couple of minutes, he shed his wisdom.
I do not know what we were talking about. But I remember he suddenly told me, “Do not be scared of anything”. And I paused. I told him his message is just what I needed to hear. It is perfect timing.
I believe in our life, God or the Universe help us along the way. The higher power gives you signs and messages even through other people. He continued, “Life is a battlefield. You should be a fighter!” I recently asked my doctor to give me a prescription refill of Xanax for anxiety. I did not take it before, bottle was unopened since I was nursing my girl. I thought I would need it now. But after talking to the old man, I told myself, I will be a fighter. I will not need it anymore. I will go through whatever I need to feel. I will deal with it. It is all in the mind.
He is saying always think that you can do things. Positive thinking. Power of the Mind. Training the Mind. Never be afraid. Even if others hurt you or are jealous, be happy. God (or I think he said Allah) will take care of you and will raise you up.
I asked him his religion since he was talking about Hindu teachings and Allah. He said he is Muslim. And we agreed on one thing. People should stop creating divisions among people. We all know different Gods but to look beyond it all, there is really just One Creator.
He talked about other things I see as very insightful/deep. And these little seeds, I continue to plot in my heart. These good things in life are free. They will grow and help me along my journey. And I intend to give these important seeds to my children as well. I just hope I will be a very good example.
Well, I am glad to have spoken to him.
Have a wonderful day everyone, or good night/sweet dreams to my brothers and sisters on the other side of the globe!
It is just not writing about your feelings and thoughts that help you realize something and learn more about yourself.
I find comments, feedbacks, inputs from fellow bloggers very helpful! We do not know them personally so they tend to give you a different perspective. They are most likely not bias or subjective.
K.Lazaro 