Gift of Life

Last night, I found out that a person I knew just passed away. He had a heart attack last week. I could not stop thinking about him because exactly three months ago he was at my father’s wake trying to help out. Who would ever think that he will be gone?  Truly death comes like a thief in the night.

At this point in my life, I just figured out my greatest fear. To see a loved one gone, and the thought of leaving my family behind. With my father’s passing, I often think about things pertaining to the after life, about our existence, and some other “weird” things. It is like seeing things differently. Talking to my  husband keeps me grounded. He would plainly state that it is the reality of life. So he does not really think or worry about it. That it is something that we should accept. Maybe I am just about to learn that step.

Last night I told him about one of the things I always pray for. And I said he should pray the same thing so it makes us two. I said I hope we will be blessed together with a long life (I state specifically at least 90 years old) so we can see our children and grand children grow. He replied, “Whatever is God’s will.”

Now, when I kiss or embrace my family, it feels more than that. When I say some good words to a friend or to a relative, I truly mean it. Slowly, my heart is learning how to forgive and how to sing to each waking moment.

This song was in my head when I woke up and I feel the need to share it. It is a beautiful Filipino gospel song. I really love the acoustic version but unfortunately, there is no vocal. For non-Filipino speakers, I included an English translation below. I hope you do enjoy the music.

Sino Ako?

Hiram sa Diyos ang aking buhay
Ikaw at ako’y tanging handog lamang
Di ko ninais na ako’y isilang
Ngunit salamat dahil my buhay
Ligaya ko na ako’y isilang
Pagkat tao ay mayroong dangal
Sino’ng may pag-ibig?
Sino’ng nagmahal?Kun’di ang tao Diyos ang pinagmulan

Kun’di ako umiibig
Kundi ko man bigyang halaga
Ang buhay na handog
Ang buhay kong hiram sa Diyos
Kundi ako nagmahal
Sino Ako?

Who Am I? (English translation)

My life is only borrowed from God
We’re only a living sacrifice
I did not wish to be born but it’s
A God given blessing to have a life
I am glad that I was born…
I am born with dignity
I have love and I know how to love
Because God first loved me

If I didn’t know how to love
If I didn’t know how to be grateful of
The life that God has given me
Then what is my worth?

Each Moment

It is true what they say that you will never truly understand something unless you experience it yourself.

In the past, I felt sorry for family and friends who lost their loved ones. I went to wakes, funeral services, and showed compassion. There were times when I also wept with them. But then my life went on. I just feel sad when I remember those who passed away and I say my prayers to them.

Losing someone who is actually very close to your heart can actually be different. I refer to the loss of a parent, sibling, spouse, child or a very close friend.  I have felt the change in me. Days pass by, months go by, and I carry that feeling of sadness in my heart, that feeling of loss. I believe it will linger even in the years to come and for the rest of my life. I guess this is something constant as I move along.

This little feeling in me reminds me of the bittersweet reality of life. It is just a cycle.  I can imagine how my kids will feel the same way when it will be my turn someday. All of us will feel a loss. And all of us will leave our loved ones behind. For those of us who are still here, we have to make the most out of our lives. Cherish the memories of the people who left. Be reminded about the many reasons why we have to be grateful each day, be more human, and loving to the people who are part of our journey.

What I Felt A Few Nights Ago

One of the hardest battles in this life

Is the battle within oneself

The conflicting mind and heart

The push and the pull

Even after getting drunk,

and the body feels numb,

The only thing you feel

In the center of your being

Is the pain beating in the heart

Quick Break – Short Post

I feel like I have been chasing time. I did not even have the time to write my thoughts.And yet, still a lot of things to do. And the day is almost done. Why am I so busy? I guess it is better than have nothing to do? So I took my energy boosting vitamins! I need it.

It is the start of the week. May we all be productive while we feel happy and blessed. Challenges, problems? I will keep fighting you! You may scare me, and make me feel anxious, but I say, you can not defeat me. Life is still beautiful. And my spirit is growing and evolving. I am empowered.

Beauty From Above

I dream to travel the world. I am amazed by different cultures, different places, and how people can be different from each other. When I was younger, geography and history were my least favorites. They bored me a little. But now that I have come of age, I definitely appreciate maps, countries, travel, and culture. As of now, I neither have the time nor the means to see the world. So what I do is watch travel shows, refer to books or the website to see different places. I enjoy the shows House Hunters International, Vikings, The Tudors, anything that shows history, geography, culture.

To Travel is really awesome. If you have the time and money, it is such an experience to actually  be in different places, enjoying beautiful landscapes, exploring local food, feeling the place’s breeze, hearing fascinating languages being spoken, walking on the street pavements, and having your photograph with a beautiful scenery in the background. For now, I am happy and contented to travel the world using my sense of sight and my wild imagination! This is seeing life’s beauty up close.

Another perspective that truly astonish me is not just to witness the beauty of life in front of me. I often wonder how it also feels like to appreciate the beauty from above. I am very afraid of heights. For sure, I will never fly up in space or be an astronaut even in my imagination. This is the reason why I follow NASA’s official instagram account. I enjoy their photos of earth, outer space, Universe, and all those celestial objects. They let me have an experience of seeing the beauty of life from above. It is astounding to see wonders and beauty in space. It can be scary too because of the other unknown things out there. I will not be talking about force, gravity, or energy. I know little of these things. But in general, it is just so amazing. There are so many things we do not know yet. As human beings we strive and keep on learning, knowing, and discovering.

I believe the astronomers and astronauts are blessed to have a first hand knowledge and experience of knowing/seeing the beauty of/from space. I often wonder how this experience has changed their views or if it has affected them at all?  So as I was engaging in a conversation in Instagram, I came across an amateur astronaut. I seized the opportunity to ask my inquiries (I will update this article as soon as I get his response). I am excited to know his point of view. He said, “as an amateur astronomer, and one who works with both amateur and professional astronomers for the most part they share a humble understanding of their place in the Universe and are aghast and excited to know what’s out there.”

Down here, from this perspective, everything seems so big. Problems are big. Our country is big. It is a big wide world! But when I just imagine, from up there, we are tiny specs of dust. Being alive is truly amazing. Being here on earth for just a few years is an incredible gift. Compared to billions of years or light years in space. With this in mind, fighting/ war does not make sense.  No sense hurting people in any way. There is no sense to be unhappy. We are all brothers and sisters, we are all human beings. Whether we come from different places, we live differently, we look different, we are all the same. I hope I am making sense. Or am I just too drunk from awe?