I worked that day. The traffic was not bad as I drove home from work. It was almost dark. The house was bright as I got home. Few friends came over. We had a few drinks and had dinner together. I had a special guest who happened to be my crush at that time. It was so obvious that my father was thrilled because the guy happened to be a lawyer just like him. Little did he know that it was a hopeless case. The guy just saw me as a friend.
I am writing not because of the guy. I am writing because that was the last birthday party I remember. I believe it was also the last party I had with my father around before I left home. It was my 26th birthday. And then I totally stopped counting my age. Although I have always been grateful to life and to my blessings.
Reality bites. We can’t stop time. We can’t stop aging. For the first time as I was brushing my hair, I found some white strands of hair. Not just one but two or three. After a few weeks, it happened again. And I haven’t checked since then.
For a long time, I have been terrified by the thought of getting old and dying. It consumed my thoughts for a while especially right after my father passed away. And I have realized that it is a process. It takes time to understand and accept the idea of death. I have finally accepted that it is an inevitable part of life. And someday we will all end up there. With this in mind, I believe it is affecting my perspective of life. Still it is a learning process. But I am getting there.
I may stop counting my age but I will never stop being grateful for NOW.
Today, I remember my mother and father. This is the day when I should thank them for giving me life and for raising me up. I have become what I am today, mostly because of the family who loved and nurtured me.
This day is also a reminder that I am a human being born into this world of challenges. I thank our Creator. And as I always say, it is always a privilege to be part of this world, to live, and be a passerby. With this, I have come to know love, peace, and happiness (of course, alongside with the ugly side of it).
When I was a young girl, I look forward to my birthday. I was excited with celebration, presents, treats. But now, I can not say I am excited anymore. It just means another year older. It means growing old! Closer to the death I fear. So not too excited but I say this is more of a day when I ponder on my life, on my existence. I try to look at the past 36 of my life. What have I done? Have I lived life according to how I should? Am I a better person? What have I learned? What is in store for me? This is the time I should feel grateful for all the blessings I have received. All the good things and the good people in my life.
I pray that I will continuously love the people around me. That I will have endless patience in my dealings. That I will forgive easily. That I will always see beauty and light even in times of darkness. That I will be light to others too. That I will be nicer and wiser. That I will continue to embrace what comes my way, strive to make myself and my life better. I hope I will be a more loving mother, wife, child, sister, and friend…
Daisies, flower of the month/Birth flower
Photo credit: http://www.1stinflowers.com/fom_april.html