Lessons To Live By

It is the start of 2015. It is a new beginning. I thought I was not going to write some new year’s resolution, but I guess I am. I can not think of a term, but I want to see it more as a new commitment, some lessons to remember to help me live a better life. A better life for me means less anxiety, less worry, less heartaches but more peaceful, more positive, and happier.

I came to realize that this year, I will try to incorporate into my system some important lessons to live by. I am writing this not because I am an expert on the field, but because I am trying to learn how to live life to the fullest. As I said, writing is a very powerful tool in introspection.

I intend to do/keep in mind the following:

1. BE HEALTHIER

I am not getting any younger, I decided to lose weight and be healthier. I will try to exercise at least 10 minutes a day. I will eat healthier (most of the time). I should not make “being busy”  or too tired taking care of the house and the kids as an excuse not to exercise. This morning I checked YouTube videos for exercises I can do at home. I loved this HIIT Cardio: 10 minutes (by momsintofitness).  Oh my, I was so out of shape. I was getting exhausted and my legs were hurting. I am committing myself to do it everyday.

2. UNDERSTAND SOME UNIVERSAL TRUTH OR LAWS OF NATURE (Being Present, Change, Pain)

The second important commitment I should make is more difficult to do. It takes a lot of internalization. I want to change the way I think. I want to change how I perceive life and living. I have to learn how to cope up. As the saying goes, change the way you think and the world around you changes. I believe if I achieve this understanding and it has become a part of me, then I can live life to its fullest. Finally,  begin to see the world as it really is.

My previous blogs talked about my fear, anxiety, hatred, death, living life, way to happiness, and the lessons I want my kids to learn. I also mentioned one of the reasons why I write is that I am on search for something. I came across this book and I realized that it somehow sums up or incorporates everything I wrote about in my other blogs. I deeply want to share this with others, hoping that  there is something good and useful to be found from this reading. All the quotes were lifted from the book Meditation for Beginners by Jack Kornfield.

2.1 MINDFULNESS

I will strive to train myself to be MINDFUL. I want to achieve a Quiet mind, open heart and steady spirit.  “Mindfulness helps train us to be more present and alive. The art of living… is neither careless drifting on the one hand nor fearful clinging to the past… the truth that is right where we are when we let go of fantasies and memories and come into the reality of the present.” This means being sensitive to each moment of our life. It means being more present and more awake, more appreciating of THE PRESENT. “The present moment is the only game in town and if we miss this moment it will be gone forever.” I should not waste my time worrying about the future, dreaming about the past or being enslaved by bad memories and emotions.  Now is important. I should learn to let go.

I mentioned from my old post (Way To Happiness) Yesterday is history and tomorrow is a dream. Today is a gift. So live TODAY, be present.

2.2 NOTHING IS PERMANENT BUT CHANGE

Law of nature: “Things are impermanent, that attachment causes pain. We need to learn how to flow with the changes, to see everything as a process of change, to relax with uncertainty. We need to learn how to let go, how to stay centered in the midst of change”.  I mentioned in my previous blog my fear of death. I can not imagine losing a loved one or the thought of dying. I tend to be attached to the people or to something I love (which I think is very natural). We have to understand that ” We do not actually own our bodies but rather we just inhabit them for a short time, and during that time they will change by themselves, regardless of what we want to happen.”

A few nights ago, my husband and I watched the movie, Boyhood. There was one scene that struck me. As the son, Mason,  prepares to leave his mother’s new apartment for college, Olivia (the mother) breaks down, saying she is disillusioned by how fast life has flown by, and claims there is nothing left in her life but her death.

“Nothing in our lives lasts or stays the same for very long. Everything is changing all the time.” As the book says, “Trying to hold onto ‘how it was’ will only create suffering and disappointment, because life is a river and everything changes… We create a huge amount of suffering if we are attached to things staying the same, we realize that relaxing and letting go is a wiser way to live…”

“When we realize everything passes away, not only the good things but the painful things as well.”  So when challenges or trial comes, just remember that it too shall pass. Let the storm rage on as the song in the movie Frozen says.

2.3 PAIN IS PART OF LIVING

“Gain and loss, praise and blame, pain and pleasure are part of the dance of life, given to each of us, born into our human body”. 
This reminds me to embrace not just the good but also the bad side of life, the unlikable people who caused you pain. They are still part of this world and there is nothing I can do to push them away. Why do I have to stress out on something or someone I can not prevent or change?

“The truth is that things change whether we want them to or not. Becoming attached to things as they are or pushing things away that we do not like does not stop them from changing. It only leads to further suffering.”

Lesson 4 and 5 are from my old post (Way To Happiness)

3. THINGS HAPPEN FOR A REASON

Every circumstance in our lives (both good and bad) are necessary for us to be where we are right now. There is a reason for every event, every encounter with people who walk on our path.

4. BE THE BEST THAT WE CAN BE WHEREVER WE ARE

Bloom where God planted you. You are special. You are blessed. Refrain from comparing yourself with others. You will either find yourself  superior or inferior.  In relation to this, I have also learned that we can not please everybody. If we do, we will only be stressed out. Do what you think is best for you and your family not what others think is best. In the end, it is you who goes through it not them!  You are special. You are blessed.

It looks a lot. We may get overwhelmed by these reminders. It can take a lot of work and discipline to change the way we think. But I believe it is worth a try!

Good luck to us! Life is short, we will only be here once, let us make the most out of it and live a happy life!

learn-to-surf

Maybe There Is Really A “Meant To Be?”

Being in a relationship is not just about feelings. That’s what I have learned from  books.  Emotions keep changing in life. I believe that in order for a relationship to last, there should be love and commitment. I have been married to my husband for seven years now, going to eight. And I always pray to God to take care of our relationship. It is a life long commitment and we intend to stay together for the rest of our lives. We all know that there can be trials along the way, and journeys are not perfect.  When we got married I received a simple frame with a prayer on it. I put it up in our living room beside our wedding photo. It says “Lord help us to remember when we first met and the strong love that grew between us… Dear Lord we put our marriage into your hands. Amen. ” So I try to remember how it all began and I can’t help but say “maybe there is really such a thing as meant to be?” My  husband and I knew each other all our lives. We were neighbors in our hometown. He lived just a few blocks from our home. We went to the same school in elementary. We were classmates from fourth to sixth grade. Both our families served in the same church. He was an altar boy and I was a member in one organization. We were friends, young people hanging out in church. High school came and he moved to all boys school. I moved to all girls’. We still saw each other in church. Young love, he started to send me love letters and sent me signals that he liked me. I had a crush on him too but nothing serious. When we were in high school, he told me he loved me and I did not really believe him. He became cold and aloof. The love letters stopped and the affection as well. College came and we both went to different Universities. Sometimes we would still see each other in church. He studied Physical Therapy and I went with Psychology. I ended up getting my Master’s degree too.  We both got into relationships. He met a girl and would sometimes bring her to church. I believed we were also introduced to each other. He moved to another country. We sometimes saw each other online and would sometimes chat. Likewise, I had my first boyfriend. We had our own lives. In 2006, our paths just crossed again.  We were both single and things just happened. It’s like everything fell into place. The Universe conspired to help us find each other again!  We fell in love and the next year tied the knot! This was quite an adventure (to be written next time). It was not all bed of roses. There were great challenges too especially with the distance between us. When our paths crossed, we were living in our own perfect worlds. Then I had to make the hardest decision of my life, leaving family, friends and my blooming career. In the end, love conquered all…   Now we are together with our two beautiful children. As long as there is faith in each other, commitment to take care of the marriage and choose to save it on top everything or anyone, I am sure, we will make it another day, another year, and hopefully as long as we live!

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