First Post for 2018

After more than two weeks of Winter break, the kids are once again back to school today. I miss them a bit but I have missed my solitude too. I still have two more hours before I see them.

I feel good. I am able to accomplish a lot this morning. Said goodbye to our Christmas tree and put all the holiday decor away. I was able to organize and clean the home just the way I want!

I feel good. The day is cold, cloudy, with a little rain. It is just perfect. I can’t wait to have my cup of coffee in a while before I pick them up in school. Had lunch in front of my computer while listening to music I love. And now, just write down my thoughts while it is so quietly beautiful.

I have so many random thoughts, at any given time. One of them is death.  I mentioned before in my posts that I found out one of my greatest fears is dying. Lately, I have heard some people I know who died. They usually get sick. And sometimes, it is really a shock. One day they’re here, the next day they’re gone.  This somehow gave me a different perspective of life. When I am about to complain, often times, I would realize that I shouldn’t. I should not complain because I am alive. I may sometimes be so busy and tired, but I am grateful that I am physically, emotionally, and mentally able to perform my duties. But as we all know, life is fragile, unpredictable, and can be full of surprises. And I guess it is fine if we think of preparing for it.

It is another new year and I was thinking “Oh, another year older!” I didn’t want to grow old. I wanted to forget my age. I will do my best to delay signs of aging. But you know what? I don’t mind growing old anymore. White hair and wrinkles would come and I will welcome you! I don’t mind celebrating my birthday because life is worth celebrating. Being healthy and alive each year is indeed a blessing. Each waking day is a gift.  With all these thoughts, I have found my greatest dream. It is to grow old. I wish to live long and be with the people I love. I would love to see my children, their children, and their children’s children grow old/grow up.  I would love to do all the things I love and be with the people who make me smile. I will listen to more music, take more photos, write my thoughts, love, laugh, try to be a good person, and live my life.

Happy New Year! I wish everyone good health and a great year!

 

About Last Night

 

Such a happy moment for me

To meet with you again

To see you smile one more time

To talk to you for a while

That feeling that you’re just here

I don’t need to worry or fear

 

 

 

A Visit In My Dream

When I was growing up, we used to regularly meet with a  Chinese Family. They were very good friends with my father. We visited their home somewhere in Manila. Similarly, they also came to our house every end of December. I do not remember but somehow the dates were significant to them and my father. They were very generous all the time. They always gave me and my siblings red envelopes or hongbao.  This is a monetary gift which is given during holidays or special occasions. Robert, the head of their family, was my brother’s godfather. I believe he passed away around 9 months ago when my father was sick in the hospital.

It is a strange thing and it often happens to me. How can I dream of deceased people when I do not even think of them or I do not even remember them? Last night, I had a dream about Robert. He gave me a hongbao. He was showing me some notes on the notebook. He even gave me a flute! I used to play the flute in high school through college. How did I dream about this? I told my husband about it and he said it is just the subconscious working. He is from the medical field so he tends to be skeptical or scientific about things. But me?… whenever I dream about souls, people who passed away, souls I do not even think about, I believe that they really come to visit, they are trying to saying something, or asking for prayers. When I opened my eyes, I prayed for him. I still do. It was indeed a surprise visit.  A lot of thoughts come by, about life, living, being alive, dying, death, and prayers… Death looks like part of the natural cycle of life, yet it is not easy to comprehend and accept (unlike having a new born child). Oh well… Did you ever experience something like this? Please share your thoughts. It can be scientific explanation or something else.