Morning Thoughts

The mind is complex. Emotions are rich. It is all because of what we are born with and due to our experiences in life. So it is common that sometimes there is a battle within.In your mind, in your heart. And what we really need to learn is how to manage them. We have to be in control. We have to learn how to strike a balance, how to be reasonable. And this is never easy but it is attainable. Life is a school too. It is a continuous learning in here.

Life is short. It is a cliche but it is true. We sometimes think that we have forever. But we do not really know that. So I am learning that if there is a single chance, an opportunity to show kindness to others, we should. No matter how little or how simple it might be. And more importantly, we try to appreciate and enjoy every moment. With family, with friends, with yourself.

My morning thoughts.

May your days, our days be filled with wisdom and with joy.

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~ Khristine

Life Changes

I just learned about one big news that will change my life. I can not tell you right now, but I will for sure. Soon.

Have you ever had that feeling that you strongly need to write down some  things in your  head but could not find how to begin or how to say them?

When that feeling is overflowing and words are just too much? And you just do not have all the time to sit down and figure it out?

I sound overwhelmed, confused, then maybe a little anxious (but it does not mean I am unhappy). There is just the strong urge to mentally figure things out and one way that has always been a big help to me is whenever I write them down. In relation to where I am at the moment, I guess my blogging here is not really for other people but for myself… Although partly, I really wish I inspire others too in little ways since I am already connecting outside of myself.

This is how I cope up. I write. Something I have always done since childhood. The only difference is paper and pencil versus the technology.

I am babbling now. I do not know if I made sense. I am sure I am going to write about this next time. I will figure it out. And you will understand what is going on in this crazy head of mine : )

Gift of Life

Last night, I found out that a person I knew just passed away. He had a heart attack last week. I could not stop thinking about him because exactly three months ago he was at my father’s wake trying to help out. Who would ever think that he will be gone?  Truly death comes like a thief in the night.

At this point in my life, I just figured out my greatest fear. To see a loved one gone, and the thought of leaving my family behind. With my father’s passing, I often think about things pertaining to the after life, about our existence, and some other “weird” things. It is like seeing things differently. Talking to my  husband keeps me grounded. He would plainly state that it is the reality of life. So he does not really think or worry about it. That it is something that we should accept. Maybe I am just about to learn that step.

Last night I told him about one of the things I always pray for. And I said he should pray the same thing so it makes us two. I said I hope we will be blessed together with a long life (I state specifically at least 90 years old) so we can see our children and grand children grow. He replied, “Whatever is God’s will.”

Now, when I kiss or embrace my family, it feels more than that. When I say some good words to a friend or to a relative, I truly mean it. Slowly, my heart is learning how to forgive and how to sing to each waking moment.

This song was in my head when I woke up and I feel the need to share it. It is a beautiful Filipino gospel song. I really love the acoustic version but unfortunately, there is no vocal. For non-Filipino speakers, I included an English translation below. I hope you do enjoy the music.

Sino Ako?

Hiram sa Diyos ang aking buhay
Ikaw at ako’y tanging handog lamang
Di ko ninais na ako’y isilang
Ngunit salamat dahil my buhay
Ligaya ko na ako’y isilang
Pagkat tao ay mayroong dangal
Sino’ng may pag-ibig?
Sino’ng nagmahal?Kun’di ang tao Diyos ang pinagmulan

Kun’di ako umiibig
Kundi ko man bigyang halaga
Ang buhay na handog
Ang buhay kong hiram sa Diyos
Kundi ako nagmahal
Sino Ako?

Who Am I? (English translation)

My life is only borrowed from God
We’re only a living sacrifice
I did not wish to be born but it’s
A God given blessing to have a life
I am glad that I was born…
I am born with dignity
I have love and I know how to love
Because God first loved me

If I didn’t know how to love
If I didn’t know how to be grateful of
The life that God has given me
Then what is my worth?

Since I got back home, I usually feel sad, stressed out, and my temper short. I do my very best just to be a good mother although there are a lot of times my patience is being challenged.. Mind you, I generally feel happy and glad that I am back to personally take care of my family. My mother in law is still here until the end of this month as well as my mom. Maybe when things get back to normal, meaning my own established routine, and it will just be us home, slowly I will be able to have more time alone, hopefully more time to think and heal. School day starts soon and I am sure things will get back on track.

If nowadays I feel down, I know very soon I will again be the happiest.

I still count my blessings. All my friends who care, my family, my brother and sisters… And do not forget, the beer and the wine! 😉

5th Day

She has changed. More gentle with words, more sensitive to people’s feelings, and considerate. Far from what I have come to know in the past. I see the efforts of being nice and civil. I feel the openness for a better relationship. And I know that she deserves the same thing. Everyday I strive to overcome certain unpleasant mental state such as annoyance or irritability that I have experienced for so many years that eventually evolved to be a natural reaction in her presence. There is a conscious effort each day to be good…

Hopes Of The Troubled Spirit

Numb me

So I do not feel

Blind me

So I do not see

Don’t want to hear

Every word I fear

Weakness

Is what I see…

Strengthen me

So I can stand while I feel

Change me

So I can see the good in it

Help me be more accepting

Of all the things I hear

Help me

So I can be me….

Emotions

Needing all the courage and strength

To look at his face

To hear his voice again

And listen to every word he utters

His presence is a reminder of the dark past I despise

The place I never want to see again

The time I never want to be in again.

Needs a lot of kindness

To be human again

To learn how to forgive

To give peace a chance

The head says go

The heart says no

Emotions beaten up

It is time to give up

Healing Wounds

I checked my old wound that has been hurting for years.

I think it has healed. It does not look fresh at all.

When I looked at the old photos, I do not feel trembling anymore due to strong emotions. My heart is not pounding hard at all. My breathing is steady. My soul longs for reconciliation, for forgiveness and love.

I feel the time has come… I am ready to face it anytime. The signs have been around. There are days when I feel so courageous. Maybe I have finally let go of the past.

It is true that TIME heals all wounds. No matter how long it takes. Maybe it is the natural course of life. Healing happens when you also remove yourself in the hurting situation. You distance yourself from it.  Distance, time, and hard work all help in the process of healing. Hard work for me is feeding your thoughts, your soul, your being with positivity, inspiration, understanding of self, others, humans, and LIFE. Then you will just know that you are okay. You are healed. You have moved on. And being scared, mad, afraid, is just a waste of your happy and beautiful life.

So if you are hurting or battling with something, know that you will be fine. You will wake up to a sunny day!

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This was our PRENUP photo taken by Louie Reformado

http://louiereformadophotography.blogspot.com/

You Know I’m Human Too

I usually have a sunny disposition. At least I try to. I like to spread the good vibes to others too. It makes me feel happy to make others happy. Because we deserve it, right? Focusing on the good is a good habit to happiness.

Please do not forget, it is also fine if sometimes it does not feel sunny at all. Remember, it is part of being human. You can blame it on mood swings, on hormones and other things. Mind you, I am no expert on this. I am also reminding myself RIGHT NOW.

This is the time I feel a little tired. Maybe physically or emotionally? I am not so sure. I think it is the hormones. Emotions tend to be a roller coaster ride. This is a time when I honestly just want to have a hair cut, change the color of my hair, or do some shopping online (still on the clearance or sale section!) The baby is napping. I have one hour. Oh, it took time to put her to sleep. Moreover, I was feeling upset too since I got into a little “argument” with my son this morning. You know how it is like to be so busy in the morning getting everybody ready for work, for school, getting everyone’s breakfast ready? Then my son waking up in a very bad mood then never stopped whining and giving me attitude? So I regret that I dropped him off to school without a goodbye kiss or a “have a great day.” Maybe this is the root of the mood? I will see him in three hours though. By that time I know I will be calm and ready. For now,  I have an hour to finish this blog and get myself ready. I will definitely try to relax so I will be recharged. Talk to God and ask for patience and love. I will enjoy my pancit and root beer. I may walk longer than the usual on the treadmill. I will get ready for the challenge. Then feel so much better.

I hope your day is going well. If it is not, it will be later!