A Queen’s Day

She cooked a Filipino dish called Mechado. They all sat at the table. They enjoyed the meal and the family conversations.

She finished washing the dishes and cleaning up the table. She rested on a blue couch by a big bright window overlooking the pine trees and the colorful flowers outside.

The boy rushed towards her with a blanket and a pillow. He said “Rest, Mom”. The little girl came with a throw pillow. She put it under her Mother’s feet. She had a big smile on her face as they greeted her “Happy Mother’s Day!” They gave her a bag of Goldfish crackers in case she got hungry and a tablet if she wanted to play a game. She put it beside her and said her thank you’s. The boy was trying to be extra nice. He shared his Hi-Chew candy and fed one to his Mom. The little girl had her harmonica and played for her too. After playing a beautiful music, she read a story to her Mom. The book’s title was Pinkalicious and the Perfect Present. The story was just fitting for the occasion. It was about the girl looking for a perfect present for her Mom.

She got some shut-eye. On that day she felt like a queen. When she got up, her husband and daughter baked some goodies for everyone. She ate it and drank her favorite coffee. The rest of the afternoon was spent gardening while the kids enjoyed colorful sidewalk chalks, blowing bubbles, riding the scooter and playing with each other.

It was a memorable Mother’s Day!

 

My Sweet Little Home

Soon, we will be leaving the home I have loved so much for more than 5 years. This house is my first “home” after I got married. We lived in a house prior to this but I felt like it was just more of a house. A house is not always a home. But this one? I call it my sweet little home. This is the home of hopes, dreams, healing, joy, and peace. My family had a lot of happy memories in here.

They say, the only permanent thing in this world is CHANGE. So I guess this is another major change for us! Although we are sad because we will miss being in here, we are also looking forward to a new chapter in our life. Besides, they say home is wherever your heart is. Our family will be together so that’s all that matters. We will make the next house our home.

The Day When You Left

I choked up as I thought about it. I felt sick.  I went to church at 8:00 am this morning. I was standing there with a heavy heart. It was the very same time when he died. Everything happened around 11:00 pm to midnight (Manila time) two years ago.

I remember on that day, I just stayed beside him. He really loved listening to me and my siblings sing. So I sang any song that came to mind. All songs I could ever think of. We kept singing and talking to him despite that he was unconscious. Sometimes he was awake but we knew he was not the same. It was always just a blank stare.  I held his hands as if it was the last time.

It was 11:00 pm  when I received a message to proceed to the Intensive Care Unit. I had a bad feeling. I just left him 30 minutes ago and everything was fine. His operation (Tracheotomy) was a success. He was finally relieved from the tube he had for two weeks.

The nurse told me that he was stable. I could go and rest. I sent my good news to my siblings and everyone was pleased. We were all holding on to HOPE.

Everything quickly changed in just an hour.

I was walking towards the ICU and from afar I could see what was happening. His room was packed with nurses and a doctor. The room was very busy. They were all trying to revive him.  I could hear them. I was just less than 10 feet away. I sat on a chair and I had to lay my  head down on the table. I knew it was the end. I was so numb. I cried quietly. The doctor approached me and told me that they had to stop reviving him.

I had to make calls to tell the family. They all came and we did what we had to do. Then for the very first time, I went home. I fell asleep on his bed. We were all so very very tired emotionally and physically. I had no more strength.

Sometimes I would ask why did I have to see all that. It really broke my heart. I know that every time this day comes, I would feel the same way and I will remember EVERYTHING. For the rest of my life.

 

 

Sad Trip Memories

I will not forget the saddest trip I had in my life. It was exactly two years ago today. I can still remember being by myself at the airport. I was just crying on my seat. I could not help it and I did not care anymore. While the rest of the people around me looked so happy and excited, I was just broken. It was a very difficult time, that day and the next two weeks.

I flew right away as I heard that our father was resuscitated. Everything was just so sudden. I had to fly thousands of miles just to get in time. It was somehow a blessing to still find him there although he was already unconscious. I am not sure up to now if he even knew I was there. And watching him for the next 14 days was traumatic.

I wrote about that experience here right after I came back home. Losing a person very close to your heart is very painful beyond words. It was raw and unedited. Until today, I still do not have the courage to read it over again.

This morning, my sister and I were talking. She said something. “Most days are so busy, we go about our lives without thinking about him.. but there are definitely times when a lot of things around us no matter how simple remind us if him. And those moments we think of him is just heart breaking and makes me feel like crying.” It is true, I try not to think of him because it makes me sad.  However, it is just unavoidable. The person you love will always be a part of you.

I hear a lot of times some people would like to say “MOVE ON”. What does moving on mean?  Yes, we have moved on. We have continued to live our lives. But when you talk about someone you love, who has passed, it just means that you remember them. You miss them and that you love them. And that is absolutely natural. It is okay.

We remember.

 

 

 

Mother & Son

Being a parent means having this very important responsibility of raising good people.  It is a lifetime mission. We take care of them, provide for all their needs (physical, emotional, mental, spiritual), and guide them through life.

Being a parent is not always easy. Sometimes we get tired. Sometimes we get frustrated. We worry. We get disappointed.  In every stage, we face different challenges from waking up late at night to change their diapers or disciplining them in their early childhood days. It can be a lot of work. I say,  having a child  is truly life changing. It is a blessing and at the same time a sacrifice, an act of great love.

What inspired me to write? Earlier, I got into a small fight with my 9-year-old. It might sound petty to others but it meant something to me.

He was so distracted with his gadgets that he would find it hard to pay attention and listen to what I’m saying. Usually I have to repeat A LOT OF TIMES what I have to say to him. And this can be exhausting. I always pray for patience and understanding. It has been a challenge for me nowadays because they are on summer break.  Everyday, I have to set  a time limit with regard to the use of the gadgets. My son and I usually argue about this.  I manage their activities, making sure they read, write, draw, and do something else besides video gaming. I have to take them out of the house too for a swim or stroll at the park.

I lost my temper. I raised my voice. I had to be stern. What irritated me most was the talking back. He was reasoning out when clearly he was wrong. And it broke my heart to see him so mad at me. I sent him to his room for a time out. No TV. No gadgets. I said he needed to be alone and be quiet.

I was worried. I was thinking maybe he would grow up hating me because I would always discipline him. Then I felt sad. I was sorry for saying some things that could have hurt his feelings. I felt bad. I know I am not a perfect person. Definitely not a perfect mom.

I thought of writing him a letter. Just to assure him that I love him. And that whatever we are doing is for his own good. I was about to write him a note when he came out of his room and went to me. He handed me a paper. And saw this …

It melted my heart. I just hugged him for a very long time. I cried quietly. I was relieved. Maybe I am doing the right thing. I did not have to remind him that I love him. He knows. We talked about what happened and the things he learned from it.

He told me to keep this paper and I said I will.

 

 

 

 

 

On Its Second Year

 

It is true what they say. In time you will no longer feel much pain. You will keep moving. You’ll finally get used to the absence.

As much as I love him,  I try not to dwell on the thought that we lost him. I try to see it in a different perspective. He lives in us, we carry him in our hearts.

I still cry but not as much as I did. When he crosses my mind I feel sad but I feel much stronger now.

Although there are moments when I can’t help the tears especially when things around me bring vivid memories of him.

Like last night my kids were playing with their Dad. My little girl was walking on his back and saying that she’s giving him a massage. I remembered during our younger days when we would do the same. Tears fell from my eyes.

Just a while ago when we were watching one of our favorite comedy shows, if featured the 1980 something show called Knight Rider. I remembered the talking black car called KITT, that drove super fast, was bulletproof, fireproof, and helped Michael fought injustices in the world. It brought up some childhood memories. My siblings and I were fond of the super powered car that we named our family car, Kit. If I remember it right, our father even put up a moving light in front of our car pretending that we’re really driving Kit! Something like this:

Every morning, to wake up my kids, I put up the curtain and let the sunlight into our bedroom. I talk to them or sing to them just the way our old man did.

I know there will be more reminders along the way. One clear proof that our love ones continue to live…

 

 

First Christmas Without Her

When we go to church every Sunday, I always notice a couple who I think are on their 80’s. Although they’re very old, I can definitely still see and feel their love for each other. They look very happy.

I remember in July 2016, they had to sit close to us because the church was packed. I could hear the old man singing so beautifully. Before leaving, the old man handed us a prayer pamphlet. It was a devotion to St. Joseph. The old lady had a very sweet smile.

Sometime in October 2016, the church recognized all the couples who celebrated their wedding anniversary. This couple was one of them. I heard they celebrated their 57 years together. So after the mass, I came up to them to congratulate them. I told them that they are an inspiration to young married couples like us. I saw the old lady’s face beaming and they proudly talked about their kids, grand kids, and great grand children. I gave them a hug and said bye.

In November 2016, I noticed that the old man was alone. For a few weeks, I wanted to come up to him to ask how he was but never got the chance. I had a feeling and I hope I was wrong.

Last night, my eyes were fixed on the old man. It is a week before Christmas and I decided to greet him a Merry Christmas in advance after the service. His name is Raul. It is the first Christmas without her after 57 years. He said he always sees her in spirit.

We talked for a while. I mentioned about my Dad who passed away last year. Somehow when I see Raul he reminds me of him. Same age. Both wearing their favorite beige/khaki jacket. After mentioning about my Dad, Raul said at age 82. I was so shocked how he knew that my Dad was 82 when he died. He said it just came to his mind and that the spirit works in mysterious ways. I gave him a hug and told him that I’ll pray for his  beautiful and sweet wife.

I know I will be seeing Raul by himself every church time, and I pray that I will see him for a very long time. I can’t help but think again about the bitter reality of growing old, death, dying, and being left alone. And for us who are left behind, we have to live and keep going.

I also remember my Tatay (Dad) and Mommy who were together for 53 years. This January 2017 is supposed to be their 55th Anniversary. Here is a photo of them taken by my sister that year  before he passed away. One of the most beautiful and meaningful photos I keep.

 

 

 

Loving Each Moment

One of the perks of being a stay at home mom is just being there for them, when they’re not feeling well or when they’re just chilling out.

Sometimes I complain about the stress of raising kids especially when they fight a lot or when they’re being difficult.

I just say that. I know the the time will come when they will no longer need me and I will miss every moment they were little.

I will have all these memories when they were growing up.

It is a nice cold morning today.

 

Words from Daphne Oseña-Paez

I feature my favorite people here in my blog site. They inspire me in so many different ways. The next person I will be presenting is someone I admire not just for her beauty and style, but also for her brain, talent, and confidence. Her works reflect my hobby and interests like blogging, travel, home, fashion jewelry, and inspiring stories about women and motherhood. I am very blessed that she responded to some of my questions. She even gave me some advice for my blog! I remember first seeing her from the show, “F” which she co-hosted with Angel Aquino and Cher Calvin! Meet the lovely and very smart, Daphne Oseña-Paez!

“Daphne Oseña-Paez is a TV host, producer, and businesswoman from Manila.  She is known for her production and hosting of television programs  Urban Zone, Proudly Filipina, and F. She is the first Filipina ever appointed Special Advocate for Children by UNICEF Philippines.” (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Daphne_Ose%C3%B1a-Paez)

“In May 2011 she founded Auction for Action: A UNICEF Fundraising Online Auction to benefit children’s programs in the Philippines and worldwide. It was the first online auction for UNICEF Philippines. It features work from noted local artists and designers in the hope of raising money that would benefit programs on maternal health and education in the Philippines’ poorer areas.”   She was also featured in Vogue in 2011 (http://www.vogue.it/en/people-are-talking-about/vogue-features/2011/12/daphne-osena-paez#ad-image145665)

Here are some answers straight from Daphne.

What were you doing before your TV appearances?

Urban planning

What course did you take in College and where? Did you really dream of hosting and being a public figure?

University of Toronto. Bachelor of Arts, specialist in Fine Art History, minor in Urban Studies. No dreams of TV work or public life. I was working as an urban planner, managing Canadian-funded programs in developing countries. Everything else was a happy accident.

With all the shows, TV hosting that you made what was your most favorite and why? Urban Zone – its my own show/creation. I didn’t just host it. I was producer, writer. It was a successful attempt at a late night lifestyle show. It was very influential.

What was the hardest challenge you have encounter? – life is full of challenges. In my darkest hour I turn to prayer. I’m never alone. I put full trust in the Lord. (As for sharing actual challenge, it’s too personal)

What is it you fear the most? – only God knows.

Do you consider yourself a hands on mom? How do you balance your career and family? — I don’t like the term “hands on mom” I don’t think it should exist. Because whether you are working or not, you are a mother just the same.

What is the most important thing you want your children to learn? What is it that you want to impart to them? – that they are loved by us no matter what. That they find joy in what it is they choose to do.

You are beauty and brains! In terms of beauty and appearance, are you high maintenance? How do you take care of your looks? What is beauty for you? Beauty tips you can share? – Be kind to your skin and body. Rest a lot. Don’t expose yourself to the sun too much. See a derma every month for cleaning. I go to Belo for facial and power peel every month.

What are your hobbies? – learning more dishes. I just learned how to cook. 

For more information and update of her works, you can visit her website  http://daphne.ph/.

It was really my pleasure to have an exchange of words with this super talented and very nice lady!

 

Catching Up With Cindy Kurleto

Thanks to writing. I started to see through things clearly. I am able to look deep inside and know myself a little bit more. I have become aware of my existence, of the life around me, of living, of being human, and even of my greatest fear, death.

One of the many things I have come to realize is that my life is too short to be mad, sad, or miserable. I have to overcome these emotions as they exist. I have to find out an outlet, my passion, and do things that make me happy. I have learned that playing the flute and blogging are one my favorite things at this stage of my life!

Moreover, I also realized that it is important to surround myself with people and things that will make me grow, that will inspire me, and make me happy. People and things that give out positive vibes and make us realize more the kindness and beauty of life. We can not always choose 100% of the time but we can still do something.

Even in my social media account (Instagram), I only choose to follow people who inspire me. There are indeed a lot of great people around the globe, and I wish I have all the time to write about them.  These inspirations crossing my path are part of my journey. Thus, I recognize and appreciate them through writing.

For instance, I wrote about the flutist who inspires me to do better, Bevani. Please read about her and check her Youtube Channel (Bevani Flute). Now, it is my pleasure to feature this wonderful lady. I never knew her personally but when I was younger I saw her from TV commercials in the Philippines.She was a VJ, model, actress. She has one of the most beautiful faces in Philippine Television. Meet Cynthia or better known as Cindy Kurleto! I do not remember how I found her in Instagram but when I saw her, I left a comment on her post about how glad I was to see her. She responded and she was very nice to everyone. We found out that we have the same birthdays too (and year)! What struck me was seeing how she has found love and happiness in her private life now. She has left the world of show business to fulfill her destiny to be where she is right now, a loving wife and mother. So let’s catch up with Cindy! 

“Hi Khristine! First off let me thank you for even considering to feature me on your blog, an old “has been” like me, flatters me beyond believe, thanks! And kudos to you for doing what makes you happy by writing for your own blog. So let’s dive right into it, shall we?”How long did you do modelling/acting in the Philippines?

My modelling career actually started in Bangkok where I did a few TV commercials, quite funny ones, really, for shampoo and facial care etc. It was afterwards that I got work in Manila, first as a model, then TV host and VJ, and finally as an actress. All in all I stayed for a decade.

When and why did you leave Manila?

I left Manila, which partly broke my heart, in December 2007, to ironically follow my heart. I had found the person I never wanted to be without and he asked me to join him in his next chapter of life, which brought us to Peru, where we stayed for 8 years and also started our own little family.

Do you miss being a public figure? If yes, what are the things you miss about it?

I don’t miss being a public figure because it comes with its own golden cage, as you can surely imagine. When you’re a public figure you are confronted with thousands of opinions, which all mean well, but don’t have anything to do with the real you. It’s a lot of responsibility and also involves disappointment, because how does the old saying go? You can not please everyone.

Do you think of going back to show business?

I miss having a creative job, where you get to meet incredibly talented people in front of and behind the camera. Where each workday is different to the last. And of course it can also be quite glamorous at times, I’d be lying if I’d say I don’t miss that, as well. But would I ever go back to showbiz? Probably in a heartbeat, but rather behind the camera, maybe? 🙂 to be honest with you, I don’t know. One can’t want showbiz, it’s gotta want you.

You have been to many places now in your life. Will you share what countries/which places have you lived in?

Well I was born in Vienna, Austria which is a small land locked country in the heart of Europe. Many people visit surrounding countries like Prague and Switzerland, which are amazingly beautiful but I strongly urge you to give Vienna a chance, it won’t disappoint, I promise. As you follow me on instagram, let me invite you to take a look at some of the pics I post of Vienna.. it is a truly beautiful city.
And as I mentioned above, I have lived in Manila, Philippines and in Lima, Peru.

Because of my father’s health condition we have decided to move back to Vienna and have arrived here only a few months ago, in fact our container with all our stuff is scheduled to arrive in two weeks time (yay)

What place/country do you miss most?

I used to always miss my hometown, but since I’ve moved back now, I guess I miss the Philippines the most. The smell and sights, the people and the food. Even the heat.

What is your most favorite place?

My favourite place used to be Boracay but since it’s practically overrun with tourists and locals alike, and way too far away for me now- I’d have to say my favourite place is the caribbean island Barbados, where my partners father is from and still has family. We try to visit often. Another beautiful beach I like to visit is in Tulum, México. If you ever travel there go eat at the restaurant Hartwood!

Where is your home now? How is it living there?

My home will always be where the heart is that I love and that loves me back.
Together we have moved to Vienna now, where I’m from but have not lived for 18 years. I am as much a foreigner as I am a native, which makes for an interesting experience, to say the least. I love Vienna for its culture, its high standard of living and for the beautiful old architecture.

When I called Peru my home I especially loved it for its fresh produce and it’s love for good food. Many talented chefs come from Peru and I was lucky enough to take part in a few cooking classes.

You are a family woman now. How long have you been married? How many kids do you have now?

Shockingly- we have never married. I guess we’ve never lived anywhere close enough to family to consider a celebration. We have been a couple for almost 12 years now and have two beautiful daughters together. My partner is my best friend, the one person I never get tired speaking to, I crave his opinion and love making him proud. In fact I read this interview and my answers to him, if it sounds okay to his ears- it’s good to go.

Do you work or are you a full-time mom? What keeps Cindy busy everyday?

I am a full-time mom as my second daughter was just born 3 weeks ago. I gave birth in water (at a clinic) without any pain medication- which makes me incredibly proud! (but don’t think I had it planned that way, I would have gladly accepted something to ease the pain but was too late for that). Being a mother, going through all these changes and the process of it all is just amazing. I salute all mothers. Really from the depth of my heart.

My day looks very much like any new mothers day. Feed the baby, burp the baby, change diapers and put the baby to sleep and repeat.

How do you differentiate the public life and the private life now?

Let me admit right here that I hardly ever talk about my life in the public eye anymore. This took quite some adjustment since it covered a long period of my young adult life and has shaped me immensely. The thing is, people don’t like to hear “oh you know, when I was an actress,…” stuff like that makes other people secretly dislike you. For real. So I live my private life like everyone else, and totally disregard my former life in the public. Except for when I can sense that someone is genuinely interested. Then I delve in fun memories.

What do you enjoy most in your private life?

I am happy that I was able to build a private life. Coming back from showbiz is not an easy feat. Taking pleasure in simple things is the bigger picture, really. It’s the way forward. Understanding that giving my family happy memories to look back on is the real goal, not how many clothes, shoes, followers or how much fan mail I have.

We usually have plans/goals for ourselves. What do you have for yourself?

I just want to be healthy, so I can stay around with as much energy as ever, to do things with my kids. Go hiking, travel to the world’s big cities, stay up late to help them with homework, be there when they have their first child. I lost my mother at 20 and regret not having her by my side at this time in my life.

What is your personal philosophy at the moment?

This is no secret but it means nothing to those who have not experienced it for themselves, so believe me when I say:

To help others is the best thing you can do for yourself.

Thanks Cindy for taking the time to answer my questions. I wish you more love and happiness in your life. Keep shining. You are a reflection of beauty and an inspiration to women who value taking care of the family.

No problem, Tin. Thank you for asking such deep and inspirational questions.