The Last Father’s Day

It’s been a while since I last dreamed of my father. There are days when I still can’t believe he is gone. I miss him in so many ways. I try my best not to have my thoughts dwell on him. I even try to avoid looking at his photos. It just makes me cry inside and out.

Few nights ago, I finally had a dream of him. I saw him wearing a royal blue colored garment. He was driving, and I was at the back seat. We had a conversation about how my 2 year old niece got a visa and would be visiting me soon. We were on our way to the church. We parked and I stayed outside talking to some members of the choir while he went ahead inside. Then I saw him sitting and looking out as if signaling me to come in. Then it was blank.

I told my sister that I dreamed of our Tatay (Father). She was amazed because some few days before, she visited his grave. She was telling her baby girl to tell Tatay that she got a visa and would be visiting me soon! What a coincidence we thought!

Another thing. I did not tell my sister the details of my dream but the next day she dreamed of Tatay  twice. The second dream’s scene was at the church too. Tatay was wearing something blue just like in my dream. My sister was with some choir members because they were preparing for a song presentation, a tribute to the families. She was crying because of the song, “Minsan Lang Kitang Iibigin”. Our Tatay was there, alive. I did not tell her the details of my dream. We were both surprised to see some resemblance. His blue clothes. The church scene. Choir members.

Then we thought… Father’s Day is coming up soon. I told my 7 year old son about our dreams and he said, “Tatay just wants to be with you because it’s almost Father’s Day. He can’t anymore so he just visits you in your dreams.”

Now my heart feels so gloomy like the weather outside. I recall last year’s Father’s Day (June 2015). I do not remember what we talked about on the phone but I remember feeling very happy. We talked longer than usual about just anything. And I know I was able to express to him how much I love him. And I never imagined that it would be his last Father’s Day on Earth.

I will forever carry and cherish him in my heart. I wish love is felt across time. I hope he will always feel our love.

Happy Father’s Day to all the Dads in the world. If you still have him, you got to let him know and feel how much he means to you…

I just saw this commercial earlier and would just want to share with you. Let us remember all the Dads in the world especially the ones who are working very hard to give their families better lives.

 

 

 

 

The Last Moments

Once again, I just realized something last night. After I put the kids to sleep, I sat down on the couch to have a little quiet time. My eyes gazed upon the pictures of these men from the little corner of our room.

From the left is my father-in-law and then my dad. It was just last night that I realized that I was the last family member to see them before they both passed away. So it feels weird and more sad to know that I witnessed their last moments.

It was afternoon. I was home with my father-in-law, and my husband was still at work. I was in the living room and he told me that he was going out to get those gallons of water from a nearby store. He had a little pushing cart with him. It was passed 2pm so I told him why not wait for his son so he did not have to walk?  It was April 24, 2007. He said it was fine and besides, he needed to exercise. He told me he was going to go through the back door, and then he left. And at passed 3pm, he had an accident on the road and that was his end.

As for my Dad, for those of you who have not read my recent blogs, he just passed away two months ago. And with his passing, I wrote quite a few things about the experience and about him (you can check this entry: 14 day journey). Last August 4, 2015 (Tuesday) he had to undergo Tracheostomy. A tracheostomy is a surgery to make a hole in your neck that goes into your windpipe. He needed a  tracheostomy since he was on a breathing machine (ventilator) for a long time. They needed to remove the intubator that was attached to him for two weeks to prevent further infections. I was informed that I should follow down to the operating room. I was there waiting outside. I was praying and thinking about him that finally, he would be relieved to get that thing off him. I waited and finally the doctor called me in to tell me that the procedure was done and everything was fine. I was so relieved. I waited until I saw him and the nurses pushing his bed. They had to give him Oxygen since he was depending on the breathing machine. They took the elevator and I took the stairs to meet them at the Intensive Care Unit. He was unconscious and I was watching him. The nurse was checking everything. She told me to rest and everything is stable with my dad. I sent text messages to my siblings to tell them that the procedure was successful and we can all go to sleep. I think it was around 10:30pm. Then after one hour, it was the end of his dear life.

For sure I will never forget these last moments…

Grieve

Every night I stay up an hour or two

Just thinking about you …