After The Burial

Exactly a week ago, we physically said goodbye to our father. It was his interment. Everyday, sadness is a constant feeling in my heart. Mommy Eve and my siblings also feel the same way. We have to deal with it everyday. Memories flood me. I look at his pictures everyday…

I was at the park last Tuesday morning at 8:30 am. While I was looking at the beautiful view, the trees, the magnificent skies, I was remembering that it was the time last week that I was at the Intensive Care Unit watching my father die.

Sometimes it still feels very surreal, how the present time suddenly becomes a past.  I close my eyes and I see I was crying at the airport. Next I see my Tatay suffering everyday. Then I see myself looking at his lifeless body. Followed by the wake and then the burial. Now I am back to my life here in the US carrying all these memories in my heart.

This morning I organized my closet. I set aside all my colorful clothes and put out the black, white, and greys. It is part of the culture/tradition in the Philippines when mourning to wear these colors for a year. So for this remaining year and until August 5, 2016 I shall have my new “wardrobe”. I love wearing bright colors but this time, the black, white and grey completely describe how I feel about losing my father.

I know things will get better in time.  I will just have to go through this. This is part of living, part of being alive. To experience loss of a loved one.

Trivia (Lifted from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mourning#Philippines)

“The Filipino practices for mourning have influences from Chinese, Japanese and folk Catholic beliefs. People may wear white or black. The color red is frowned upon in the time of mourning, it is believed that those who wear red within 9–40 days will die or suffer illness. The consumption of chicken during the wake and funeral is also believed to bring death among the relatives. There is an initial 9-day mourning practice called Pasiyam, a novena is to be prayed by those who are mourning. During those 9 days the spirit of the deceased is believed to be roaming. 40 Days, similar to the Buddhist practice of 49 days, is a folk Filipino Catholic practice of commemorating the dead after 40 days from their death date. A Mass and a small feast are held to commemorate the dead during the 40-day period, the 40th day as their judgment day. The immediate family wear black and when the one-year period is over, the first death anniversary will signal the end of mourning – celebrated by a feast.”