A few more days and I am plunging into an abyss!
I have been preparing for over a year now.
Hopefully I will not drown.
Hoping I will do just fine.
Can you please whisper a prayer for me as you read this?
That this woman may succeed in finding healing and peace.
Photo Credit: mustified.com
Every time I hear your voice
My heart beats super fast
I can feel it throbbing
As if it is going to come out of my chest
I try to fight it
Trying to control the feelings
For it is not right…
You might think this is due to excitement
It is not but unpleasant memories
Needing all the courage and strength
To look at his face
To hear his voice again
And listen to every word he utters
His presence is a reminder of the dark past I despise
The place I never want to see again
The time I never want to be in again.
Needs a lot of kindness
To be human again
To learn how to forgive
To give peace a chance
The head says go
The heart says no
Emotions beaten up
It is time to give up
Anticipating, thinking about the concept of fear, discomfort, anxiety makes me really feel it for real. Having a headache now getting worried about my concern. I am aware it must be all in the mind. Focus. Be courageous. And remember all those inspirations and lessons I have been holding to. But too much rationalizing makes me tired and sleepy. I noticed since I was very young, when I had concerns, problems, heartaches, I felt sleepy most of the time. Maybe tired from thinking?
Let me just worry tomorrow. I will sleep now so my mind and body will work efficiently… and will be rational! I know after the upcoming storm, no matter how long it would stay, I would still be alive and I will survive.
I checked my old wound that has been hurting for years.
I think it has healed. It does not look fresh at all.
When I looked at the old photos, I do not feel trembling anymore due to strong emotions. My heart is not pounding hard at all. My breathing is steady. My soul longs for reconciliation, for forgiveness and love.
I feel the time has come… I am ready to face it anytime. The signs have been around. There are days when I feel so courageous. Maybe I have finally let go of the past.
It is true that TIME heals all wounds. No matter how long it takes. Maybe it is the natural course of life. Healing happens when you also remove yourself in the hurting situation. You distance yourself from it. Distance, time, and hard work all help in the process of healing. Hard work for me is feeding your thoughts, your soul, your being with positivity, inspiration, understanding of self, others, humans, and LIFE. Then you will just know that you are okay. You are healed. You have moved on. And being scared, mad, afraid, is just a waste of your happy and beautiful life.
So if you are hurting or battling with something, know that you will be fine. You will wake up to a sunny day!
This was our PRENUP photo taken by Louie Reformado
How can someone say I hate your voice, I hate your face, and I can never stand your mere presence? The head tells you to do what should be done but the heart shuts down. The spirit tries though.
How can forgiveness and acceptance happen? When does it start? How does it happen?
Do not try to break me
Dear mind you have to focus
It is okay to cry it out
But dear spirit keep up
Xanax or wine, tempting
But venting out to a loved one I find more healing
Praying for wisdom and mostly courage
To face the monster
To face the dark
Go through the dark
I should not be afraid
For you are holding my hand…