Nine months ago (today) was the last time I spoke to him. I keep playing our last conversation in my head. I can still see how he looked like when we were chatting through Face time. I remember all the things he said to me that night. They just finished with lunch, while my day just ended. Told them stories about my son’s 7th birthday party.
Yes I am still counting days. Eight months without Tatay (Daddy). But as everyone is saying, it will get better in time. I can say, we are getting used to the fact of him physically gone. Few weeks ago, I just deleted all his hospital photos from my phone. I had to let go. Maybe part of the healing process. I felt I was done looking at those sad memories, and I try not to hold on to those last 14 days. It was traumatic.
I always think of him. And pray for him. I still feel sad. I still cry. I know it is natural to feel that way when you know you have lost someone forever. And it will remain that way as long as I am here because love never ends.
Is there an afterlife? Where do they really go? Does he still know what is going on for us he left behind? Does he hear it when we talk to him? Does God tell him our messages to him? Can he still see us? Does he really visit in dreams?
I hope wherever he is right now (heaven or in a different dimension) he feels and knows that we are always with him. Our love is always with him! And if there is really that somewhere, someday we will be together. After we complete our mission, our journey.
Just in case that it is just the end of everything, I am just grateful that he was part of my life. His memories and our love will keep him alive. God’s love. His love. That same love I am passing on to my children. And they to their future. And that love goes on forever.
I try to put myself in his shoes. I would understand if my children will feel sad. But I do not want them to live that way. I want them to live and be happy. Be assured that my love will be with them although I am no longer around. This id possible. Think that there are a lot of mysteries in this life. Some of those things people can not comprehend or have not discovered yet…