Exactly a week ago, we physically said goodbye to our father. It was his interment. Everyday, sadness is a constant feeling in my heart. Mommy Eve and my siblings also feel the same way. We have to deal with it everyday. Memories flood me. I look at his pictures everyday…
I was at the park last Tuesday morning at 8:30 am. While I was looking at the beautiful view, the trees, the magnificent skies, I was remembering that it was the time last week that I was at the Intensive Care Unit watching my father die.
Sometimes it still feels very surreal, how the present time suddenly becomes a past. I close my eyes and I see I was crying at the airport. Next I see my Tatay suffering everyday. Then I see myself looking at his lifeless body. Followed by the wake and then the burial. Now I am back to my life here in the US carrying all these memories in my heart.
This morning I organized my closet. I set aside all my colorful clothes and put out the black, white, and greys. It is part of the culture/tradition in the Philippines when mourning to wear these colors for a year. So for this remaining year and until August 5, 2016 I shall have my new “wardrobe”. I love wearing bright colors but this time, the black, white and grey completely describe how I feel about losing my father.
I know things will get better in time. I will just have to go through this. This is part of living, part of being alive. To experience loss of a loved one.
Trivia (Lifted from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mourning#Philippines)