Such a happy moment for me
To meet with you again
To see you smile one more time
To talk to you for a while
That feeling that you’re just here
I don’t need to worry or fear
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Such a happy moment for me
To meet with you again
To see you smile one more time
To talk to you for a while
That feeling that you’re just here
I don’t need to worry or fear
One sunny morning, I was hanging out with my kids in the pool. Then a very interesting conversation happened. I do not recall how we ended up talking about it but my son was asking about my love stories. I then recalled the feelings of falling in love, of being in love, as well as the tears and the heartaches that go with it.
There’s a relationship that you outgrow. You think you would want to spend the rest of your life with that special someone but as you mature, you will realize that you just don’t. Maybe it is due to differences in values, priorities, and/or timing.
Sometimes you will meet someone you finally like but you will end up friend zoned. I remember this guy who would always come visit me at work, hung out with me, and called me even at night just to talk about other girls . And you realize after a while you were so stupid to listen to his crazy stories.
There are times when you meet someone and you thought you have something special. He would call you from overseas on a regular basis then one day would just disappear. You will figure out that he found someone else.
Sometimes you would think you have met your soulmate. But they don’t really stay for long.
There are unspoken feelings. Feelings you just keep to yourself. And the person would never ever know how you felt about him/her.
And there is a love meant for you.
And love never ends. It is beautiful. It is painful. It makes life meaningful.
I choked up as I thought about it. I felt sick. I went to church at 8:00 am this morning. I was standing there with a heavy heart. It was the very same time when he died. Everything happened around 11:00 pm to midnight (Manila time) two years ago.
I remember on that day, I just stayed beside him. He really loved listening to me and my siblings sing. So I sang any song that came to mind. All songs I could ever think of. We kept singing and talking to him despite that he was unconscious. Sometimes he was awake but we knew he was not the same. It was always just a blank stare. I held his hands as if it was the last time.
It was 11:00 pm when I received a message to proceed to the Intensive Care Unit. I had a bad feeling. I just left him 30 minutes ago and everything was fine. His operation (Tracheotomy) was a success. He was finally relieved from the tube he had for two weeks.
The nurse told me that he was stable. I could go and rest. I sent my good news to my siblings and everyone was pleased. We were all holding on to HOPE.
Everything quickly changed in just an hour.
I was walking towards the ICU and from afar I could see what was happening. His room was packed with nurses and a doctor. The room was very busy. They were all trying to revive him. I could hear them. I was just less than 10 feet away. I sat on a chair and I had to lay my head down on the table. I knew it was the end. I was so numb. I cried quietly. The doctor approached me and told me that they had to stop reviving him.
I had to make calls to tell the family. They all came and we did what we had to do. Then for the very first time, I went home. I fell asleep on his bed. We were all so very very tired emotionally and physically. I had no more strength.
Sometimes I would ask why did I have to see all that. It really broke my heart. I know that every time this day comes, I would feel the same way and I will remember EVERYTHING. For the rest of my life.
I will not forget the saddest trip I had in my life. It was exactly two years ago today. I can still remember being by myself at the airport. I was just crying on my seat. I could not help it and I did not care anymore. While the rest of the people around me looked so happy and excited, I was just broken. It was a very difficult time, that day and the next two weeks.
I flew right away as I heard that our father was resuscitated. Everything was just so sudden. I had to fly thousands of miles just to get in time. It was somehow a blessing to still find him there although he was already unconscious. I am not sure up to now if he even knew I was there. And watching him for the next 14 days was traumatic.
I wrote about that experience here right after I came back home. Losing a person very close to your heart is very painful beyond words. It was raw and unedited. Until today, I still do not have the courage to read it over again.
This morning, my sister and I were talking. She said something. “Most days are so busy, we go about our lives without thinking about him.. but there are definitely times when a lot of things around us no matter how simple remind us if him. And those moments we think of him is just heart breaking and makes me feel like crying.” It is true, I try not to think of him because it makes me sad. However, it is just unavoidable. The person you love will always be a part of you.
I hear a lot of times some people would like to say “MOVE ON”. What does moving on mean? Yes, we have moved on. We have continued to live our lives. But when you talk about someone you love, who has passed, it just means that you remember them. You miss them and that you love them. And that is absolutely natural. It is okay.
When we go to church every Sunday, I always notice a couple who I think are on their 80’s. Although they’re very old, I can definitely still see and feel their love for each other. They look very happy.
I remember in July 2016, they had to sit close to us because the church was packed. I could hear the old man singing so beautifully. Before leaving, the old man handed us a prayer pamphlet. It was a devotion to St. Joseph. The old lady had a very sweet smile.
Sometime in October 2016, the church recognized all the couples who celebrated their wedding anniversary. This couple was one of them. I heard they celebrated their 57 years together. So after the mass, I came up to them to congratulate them. I told them that they are an inspiration to young married couples like us. I saw the old lady’s face beaming and they proudly talked about their kids, grand kids, and great grand children. I gave them a hug and said bye.
In November 2016, I noticed that the old man was alone. For a few weeks, I wanted to come up to him to ask how he was but never got the chance. I had a feeling and I hope I was wrong.
Last night, my eyes were fixed on the old man. It is a week before Christmas and I decided to greet him a Merry Christmas in advance after the service. His name is Raul. It is the first Christmas without her after 57 years. He said he always sees her in spirit.
We talked for a while. I mentioned about my Dad who passed away last year. Somehow when I see Raul he reminds me of him. Same age. Both wearing their favorite beige/khaki jacket. After mentioning about my Dad, Raul said at age 82. I was so shocked how he knew that my Dad was 82 when he died. He said it just came to his mind and that the spirit works in mysterious ways. I gave him a hug and told him that I’ll pray for his beautiful and sweet wife.
I know I will be seeing Raul by himself every church time, and I pray that I will see him for a very long time. I can’t help but think again about the bitter reality of growing old, death, dying, and being left alone. And for us who are left behind, we have to live and keep going.
I also remember my Tatay (Dad) and Mommy who were together for 53 years. This January 2017 is supposed to be their 55th Anniversary. Here is a photo of them taken by my sister that year before he passed away. One of the most beautiful and meaningful photos I keep.
My modelling career actually started in Bangkok where I did a few TV commercials, quite funny ones, really, for shampoo and facial care etc. It was afterwards that I got work in Manila, first as a model, then TV host and VJ, and finally as an actress. All in all I stayed for a decade.
When and why did you leave Manila?
I left Manila, which partly broke my heart, in December 2007, to ironically follow my heart. I had found the person I never wanted to be without and he asked me to join him in his next chapter of life, which brought us to Peru, where we stayed for 8 years and also started our own little family.
Do you miss being a public figure? If yes, what are the things you miss about it?
I don’t miss being a public figure because it comes with its own golden cage, as you can surely imagine. When you’re a public figure you are confronted with thousands of opinions, which all mean well, but don’t have anything to do with the real you. It’s a lot of responsibility and also involves disappointment, because how does the old saying go? You can not please everyone.
Do you think of going back to show business?
I miss having a creative job, where you get to meet incredibly talented people in front of and behind the camera. Where each workday is different to the last. And of course it can also be quite glamorous at times, I’d be lying if I’d say I don’t miss that, as well. But would I ever go back to showbiz? Probably in a heartbeat, but rather behind the camera, maybe? 🙂 to be honest with you, I don’t know. One can’t want showbiz, it’s gotta want you.
You have been to many places now in your life. Will you share what countries/which places have you lived in?
Well I was born in Vienna, Austria which is a small land locked country in the heart of Europe. Many people visit surrounding countries like Prague and Switzerland, which are amazingly beautiful but I strongly urge you to give Vienna a chance, it won’t disappoint, I promise. As you follow me on instagram, let me invite you to take a look at some of the pics I post of Vienna.. it is a truly beautiful city.
And as I mentioned above, I have lived in Manila, Philippines and in Lima, Peru.
Because of my father’s health condition we have decided to move back to Vienna and have arrived here only a few months ago, in fact our container with all our stuff is scheduled to arrive in two weeks time (yay)
What place/country do you miss most?
I used to always miss my hometown, but since I’ve moved back now, I guess I miss the Philippines the most. The smell and sights, the people and the food. Even the heat.
What is your most favorite place?
My favourite place used to be Boracay but since it’s practically overrun with tourists and locals alike, and way too far away for me now- I’d have to say my favourite place is the caribbean island Barbados, where my partners father is from and still has family. We try to visit often. Another beautiful beach I like to visit is in Tulum, México. If you ever travel there go eat at the restaurant Hartwood!
Where is your home now? How is it living there?
My home will always be where the heart is that I love and that loves me back.
Together we have moved to Vienna now, where I’m from but have not lived for 18 years. I am as much a foreigner as I am a native, which makes for an interesting experience, to say the least. I love Vienna for its culture, its high standard of living and for the beautiful old architecture.
When I called Peru my home I especially loved it for its fresh produce and it’s love for good food. Many talented chefs come from Peru and I was lucky enough to take part in a few cooking classes.
You are a family woman now. How long have you been married? How many kids do you have now?
Shockingly- we have never married. I guess we’ve never lived anywhere close enough to family to consider a celebration. We have been a couple for almost 12 years now and have two beautiful daughters together. My partner is my best friend, the one person I never get tired speaking to, I crave his opinion and love making him proud. In fact I read this interview and my answers to him, if it sounds okay to his ears- it’s good to go.
Do you work or are you a full-time mom? What keeps Cindy busy everyday?
I am a full-time mom as my second daughter was just born 3 weeks ago. I gave birth in water (at a clinic) without any pain medication- which makes me incredibly proud! (but don’t think I had it planned that way, I would have gladly accepted something to ease the pain but was too late for that). Being a mother, going through all these changes and the process of it all is just amazing. I salute all mothers. Really from the depth of my heart.
My day looks very much like any new mothers day. Feed the baby, burp the baby, change diapers and put the baby to sleep and repeat.
How do you differentiate the public life and the private life now?
Let me admit right here that I hardly ever talk about my life in the public eye anymore. This took quite some adjustment since it covered a long period of my young adult life and has shaped me immensely. The thing is, people don’t like to hear “oh you know, when I was an actress,…” stuff like that makes other people secretly dislike you. For real. So I live my private life like everyone else, and totally disregard my former life in the public. Except for when I can sense that someone is genuinely interested. Then I delve in fun memories.
What do you enjoy most in your private life?
I am happy that I was able to build a private life. Coming back from showbiz is not an easy feat. Taking pleasure in simple things is the bigger picture, really. It’s the way forward. Understanding that giving my family happy memories to look back on is the real goal, not how many clothes, shoes, followers or how much fan mail I have.
We usually have plans/goals for ourselves. What do you have for yourself?
I just want to be healthy, so I can stay around with as much energy as ever, to do things with my kids. Go hiking, travel to the world’s big cities, stay up late to help them with homework, be there when they have their first child. I lost my mother at 20 and regret not having her by my side at this time in my life.
What is your personal philosophy at the moment?
This is no secret but it means nothing to those who have not experienced it for themselves, so believe me when I say:
To help others is the best thing you can do for yourself.
Thanks Cindy for taking the time to answer my questions. I wish you more love and happiness in your life. Keep shining. You are a reflection of beauty and an inspiration to women who value taking care of the family.
No problem, Tin. Thank you for asking such deep and inspirational questions.
Literally, every time I watch this commercial, tears flow from my eyes. No matter how many times I have seen it. It is funny how my children look at me or call me whenever it is on.
I guess I think about my daughter and my husband. I think about my dad. I think about childhood and parenting. Children growing up. People growing old. I ponder on the cycle of life. Of how we all have common experiences in life. And no matter how sad or scary, we all have to go through it. And of course, never fail to see the happiness and beauty that also come with it.
There was a time when my head was filled with thoughts. I had to write them down. They were overflowing. My heart was filled with emotions. I had to let them out.
I am not sure if it has something to do with the sudden loss of a loved one. But after that event, it seems like I have nothing much to say. Maybe my mind is still full of him. Or my heart still grieves.
I have not been writing as much. Instead I focus on music. I find it comforting. Healing. Some of the clips I share to my Instagram account (khris_79).
I know I will be back on track someday. For now, I will just let things be.
I hope you are doing fine as well as you read this. Keep inspiring others. Keep searching for that passion. Do things that will make you happy. Happy life. God bless you all.
I have always been interested in the family tree. When I was young, we used to go to one of our grandfather’s home, Arsenio. He had our family tree painted on his walls. I thought it was amazing to see all these people coming from one tree. From then on, it got me curious.
I was in grade school when I interviewed a great grandfather in our family. He was called Lolo (Grand father) Marcial. His wife was my great-grandfather’s (Lamberto) youngest sister, Paula. I had a little notebook where I wrote down the names of my ancestors and how people were related to each other. The journal is no longer in my possession for years now. I will definitely look for it when I get back to the Philippines. For now, I only rely on asking family members.
Not everybody is interested to get to know their family members especially the new generation. The past may not be of their concern right now. We tend to be very busy in our own little worlds. However, I believe a time will come when they will see the value or delight in tracing their roots and recognizing blood ties or blood relations.
I am writing this for the generations to come especially for my children and their children, and to all my descendants. With this, they can have a glimpse of the past, where they come from, where they belong, and have an appreciation of being part of a big family.
I am always amazed when I think about the many lives, families, and generations that come to life from two people who chose to start a family. I wanted to trace four sides (blood lines of my grandparents from both Father and Mother’s sides) but it would certainly take a lot of time and work. Maybe in the future I will be able to do so. For now, I am going to write about my grandfather’s line (father’s side), the Lazaro clan. Below is an old photo shared by my Auntie Victoria (Arsenio’s daughter) which she got from Lola Zeny (daughter of Marcial and Paula).
This is the portrait of my great grandparents (at the center) named Paulina Cuevas Guinto and his husband, Lamberto Lazaro with their five sons.
THE GREAT-GREAT-GREAT- GRANDPARENTS
Sebastian Cuevas and Gregoria Javier are the names of my great- great-great-grandparents or third great grandparents. Their daughter is Petronila Cuevas, who is my great-great grandmother or second great-grandmother. Her daughter is Paulina Cuevas Guinto, my first great-grandmother (the one in the photo above). I remember their names (Petronila, Paulina, and all the grandfathers on the photo above) whenever we would visit their graves on All Souls’ Day in Bacoor Catholic Cemetery in the Philippines.
I just found out a few days ago from my Uncle Edgardo (Felicisimo’s son) that Petronila Cuevas, my second great grandmother, is the sister of Datu Kalun, a man known in Philippine history particularly in Basilan (in Mindanao). Datu is the title for chiefs, sovereign princes, and monarchs in the Visayas and Mindanao regions of the Philippines.
I googled him and found this:
“Pedro Javier Cuevas “Datu Kalun” was Born in Bacoor, Cavite Province on May 6, 1845 to Sebastian Cuevas and Gregoria Javier. Pedro was a hard-working, pious, and patriotic young boy. He was an expert in arnis, a Filipino martial arts which emphasizes in the use of wooden stick, bladed weapons & bare hand. At the age of 27, he was sentenced to death along with his two friends for their anti-Spanish activities which took place during the Cavite Uprising of 1872. They were charged for the death of a Spanish officer of the Guardia Civil. His punishment was commuted to life imprisonment for his non-direct involvement in the murder. He was exiled to San Ramon Penal Farm in Zamboanga, a place for political prisoners. The harsh treatment he received from the Spanish jail guards in San Ramon Penal Farm led him and six other inmates to stage a successful revolt and then escaped towards the mountains of Ayala, a nearby barangay. They crossed the Basilan Strait with a stolen vinta and landed in Malamawi Island, Basilan, only to find out that they had to face three hostile forces: The Spanish authorities, Yakans, and Sulu forces. The group led by Pedro had no choice but to fight in order to survive. His strong leadership, and his skills in diplomacy and combat earned him the respect of the natives and his fellow escapees. Spanish Colonial authority’s efforts to capture him were unsuccessful. Joined by Yakan fighters and military mutineers, Pedro’s group grew in numbers and they became an effective fighting force against the Spanish authority as well as Sulu slave-traders and pirates who frequented Basilan to collect tributes. Over the years, his group gradually conquered 26 villages – almost the entire Basilan Island, but he wittingly spared the Spanish military garrison in Isabela, which he and his followers saved from the Sulu pirates in the late 1870’s. In 1880, Fr. Pedro Llausas, a Spanish Jesuit priest in Isabela facilitated the request for the amnesty of Pedro and twenty of his fellow escapees and mutineers. He was pardoned by the Spanish Crown on July 21, 1882, during the term of Fernando Primo de Rivera, Governor General of the Philippine Islands. During a duel in the early 1880’s, Pedro Cuevas defeated Datu Calun, a leading Sulu warrior, who was sent to challenge him. Sometime in 1884-1885, the title Datu was vested on him by Ali Ud-din. He then assumed the name of Calun. Since then, Pedro Javier Cuevas came to be known in Philippine history as Datu Kalun, the undisputed ruler of Basilan and nearby islands. In 1894, he led a successful expedition to Bohe Lebbeng, a coastal village in the eastern part of Basilan against the forces of Sulu General, Datu Djulkanayin, who came all the way from Jolo in May of 1894, with his armed followers to collect tributes and assert control over the people of Basilan. The peaceful settlement of this incident showed his brilliant skills in diplomacy and strategy, thereby, affirming his position as Teniente Absoluto of Basilan. Datu Kalun’s strenuous physical life from his teenage days drained him of vigour. He passed away in Lamitan, Basilan on July 16, 1904 at the age of 59. He was succeeded by his nephew Gabino Cuevas Pamaran known as Datu Murusalun. Among Datu Kalun’s significant achievements in Basilan were the imposition of justice system, introduction of efficient farming method, economic and social development, consolidation of the Basileños, and freedom from Sulu pirates, slave traders and Spanish incursions. These made him a great leader of his time. Datu Kalun was a patriot to his countrymen, a hero to his followers, and an icon to his family. Edwin F. Pamaran
Other links where you can find information about him:
Credit to my history teacher, Fernando Santiago for sharing the next link:
Lamberto Lazaro, my first great-grandfather, has four other siblings: Maria Inocente, Isidro “Idong” Lazaro, Antonio “Toyong” Lazaro, and Paula Lazaro Reyes. I could not trace anymore Lamberto’s parents, my great-great grandparent.
Lamberto as shown in the picture above has five sons: From Left to Right, Dominador, Francisco, Amado, Arsenio (beside Paulina), and Felicisimo (beside Lamberto).
Amado died during World War II and I do not know any information about Francisco. Dominador, Arsenio and Felicisimo were lawyers in profession. Felicisimo was the youngest of the brothers and has been known to be a living legend. He was a sharpshooting police colonel and famously known as the “Tulisan.” http://newsinfo.inquirer.net/8187/the-true-value-of-war
Dominador was the eldest among the five brothers. He is my grandfather. He was a criminal lawyer and later on worked as Legal Counsel to the Police District. Dominador’s children are (from eldest to youngest): Lourdes, Hermoso, Dominador Jr., Aurora, Adelaida, Reynaldo and Rosalina.
Hermoso is my father. He was a lawyer and he worked for the National Bureau of Investigation and retired as a Deputy Director. He has three children: Khristine (me), Hermoso Jr., and Kathrine.
For the future generation, you can write your own family tree story. Dedicated to Andrei Santino, Kirsten Ava, Julianna Louise, Carmillia Nicole, Hermoso Dominador III, and Celestine.
To each of you who is part of this big family, remember that you are precious in the eyes of our ancestors. Indeed, we have grown in different branches, different directions. Some of us may not be close emotionally due to circumstances or physical distance. But keep in mind that we will always be related by blood! We are family.
Prayer for Healing
the Family Tree
Rev. John H. Hampsch, CMF
Heavenly Father, I come before you as your child, in great need of your help; I have physical health needs, emotional needs, spiritual needs, and interpersonal needs. Many of my problems have been caused by my own failures, neglect and sinfulness, for which I humbly beg your forgiveness, Lord. But I also ask you to forgive the sins of my ancestors whose failures have left their effects on me in the form of unwanted tendencies, behavior patterns and defects in body, mind and spirit. Heal me, Lord, of all these disorders.
With your help I sincerely forgive everyone, especially living or dead members of my family tree, who have directly offended me or my loved ones in any way, or those whose sins have resulted in our present sufferings and disorders. In the name of your divine Son, Jesus, and in the power of his Holy Spirit, I ask you, Father, to deliver me and my entire family tree from the influence of the evil one. Free all living and dead members of my family tree, including those in adoptive relationships, and those in extended family relationships, from every contaminating form of bondage. By your loving concern for us, heavenly Father, and by the shed blood of your precious Son, Jesus, I beg you to extend your blessing to me and to all my living and deceased relatives. Heal every negative effect transmitted through all past generations, and prevent such negative effects in future generations of my family tree.
I symbolically place the cross of Jesus over the head of each person in my family tree, and between each generation; I ask you to let the cleansing blood of Jesus purify the bloodlines in my family lineage. Set your protective angels to encamp around us, and permit Archangel Raphael, the patron of healing, to administer your divine healing power to all of us, even in areas of genetic disability. Give special power to our family members’ guardian angels to heal, protect, guide and encourage each of us in all our needs. Let your healing power be released at this very moment, and let it continue as long as your sovereignty permits.
In our family tree, Lord, replace all bondage with a holy bonding in family love. And let there be an ever-deeper bonding with you, Lord, by the Holy Spirit, to your Son, Jesus. Let the family of the Holy Trinity pervade our family with its tender, warm, loving presence, so that our family may recognize and manifest that love in all our relationships. All of our unknown needs we include with this petition that we pray in Jesus’ precious Name. Amen.
St. Joseph, Patron of family life, pray for us