The Last Father’s Day

It’s been a while since I last dreamed of my father. There are days when I still can’t believe he is gone. I miss him in so many ways. I try my best not to have my thoughts dwell on him. I even try to avoid looking at his photos. It just makes me cry inside and out.

Few nights ago, I finally had a dream of him. I saw him wearing a royal blue colored garment. He was driving, and I was at the back seat. We had a conversation about how my 2 year old niece got a visa and would be visiting me soon. We were on our way to the church. We parked and I stayed outside talking to some members of the choir while he went ahead inside. Then I saw him sitting and looking out as if signaling me to come in. Then it was blank.

I told my sister that I dreamed of our Tatay (Father). She was amazed because some few days before, she visited his grave. She was telling her baby girl to tell Tatay that she got a visa and would be visiting me soon! What a coincidence we thought!

Another thing. I did not tell my sister the details of my dream but the next day she dreamed of Tatay  twice. The second dream’s scene was at the church too. Tatay was wearing something blue just like in my dream. My sister was with some choir members because they were preparing for a song presentation, a tribute to the families. She was crying because of the song, “Minsan Lang Kitang Iibigin”. Our Tatay was there, alive. I did not tell her the details of my dream. We were both surprised to see some resemblance. His blue clothes. The church scene. Choir members.

Then we thought… Father’s Day is coming up soon. I told my 7 year old son about our dreams and he said, “Tatay just wants to be with you because it’s almost Father’s Day. He can’t anymore so he just visits you in your dreams.”

Now my heart feels so gloomy like the weather outside. I recall last year’s Father’s Day (June 2015). I do not remember what we talked about on the phone but I remember feeling very happy. We talked longer than usual about just anything. And I know I was able to express to him how much I love him. And I never imagined that it would be his last Father’s Day on Earth.

I will forever carry and cherish him in my heart. I wish love is felt across time. I hope he will always feel our love.

Happy Father’s Day to all the Dads in the world. If you still have him, you got to let him know and feel how much he means to you…

I just saw this commercial earlier and would just want to share with you. Let us remember all the Dads in the world especially the ones who are working very hard to give their families better lives.

 

 

 

 

Reality Bites

“No matter who you are, no matter what you have, no matter what you’ve achieved, you’ve hurt at some point in your life. Of the six universal emotions psychologists have identified – happiness, sadness, surprise, fear, disgust, and anger – the majority indicate pain.”

From Tiny Buddha by Lori Deschene

We have to “educate” ourselves and be aware that this is the reality, and we can not do away with discomfort, pain or suffering. We have to accept it as part of our existence. But it does not mean we should be miserable. We have a choice only if we teach our minds. For some people it is so natural to have a healthy perspective. Based on my experience, I am blessed to have a husband who can focus on what is most important in our life. I am the opposite. I am a worrier, I am anxious, I over think. I am writing because this is part of me training myself. I am teaching myself. We have to channel our thoughts, emotions, energy to the positive or good side. This is a challenge to us. Teaching our minds and being more hopeful/prayerful/spiritual. There is always a battle within and outside. We all hope to triumph. By having peace and living in peace.