On Its Second Year

 

It is true what they say. In time you will no longer feel much pain. You will keep moving. You’ll finally get used to the absence.

As much as I love him,  I try not to dwell on the thought that we lost him. I try to see it in a different perspective. He lives in us, we carry him in our hearts.

I still cry but not as much as I did. When he crosses my mind I feel sad but I feel much stronger now.

Although there are moments when I can’t help the tears especially when things around me bring vivid memories of him.

Like last night my kids were playing with their Dad. My little girl was walking on his back and saying that she’s giving him a massage. I remembered during our younger days when we would do the same. Tears fell from my eyes.

Just a while ago when we were watching one of our favorite comedy shows, if featured the 1980 something show called Knight Rider. I remembered the talking black car called KITT, that drove super fast, was bulletproof, fireproof, and helped Michael fought injustices in the world. It brought up some childhood memories. My siblings and I were fond of the super powered car that we named our family car, Kit. If I remember it right, our father even put up a moving light in front of our car pretending that we’re really driving Kit! Something like this:

kitt

Every morning, to wake up my kids, I put up the curtain and let the sunlight into our bedroom. I talk to them or sing to them just the way our old man did.

I know there will be more reminders along the way. One clear proof that our love ones continue to live…

 

 

Winter Break

For stay at home moms out there, I know some of you can relate to this. Now that it is winter break, kids are home.  I hear voices always saying, “Look Mom, Look Mom!” All at the same time. Simultaneous. While doing chores : ) It can get crazy. Need energy boosters!!!

Since I got back home, I usually feel sad, stressed out, and my temper short. I do my very best just to be a good mother although there are a lot of times my patience is being challenged.. Mind you, I generally feel happy and glad that I am back to personally take care of my family. My mother in law is still here until the end of this month as well as my mom. Maybe when things get back to normal, meaning my own established routine, and it will just be us home, slowly I will be able to have more time alone, hopefully more time to think and heal. School day starts soon and I am sure things will get back on track.

If nowadays I feel down, I know very soon I will again be the happiest.

I still count my blessings. All my friends who care, my family, my brother and sisters… And do not forget, the beer and the wine! 😉

5th Day

She has changed. More gentle with words, more sensitive to people’s feelings, and considerate. Far from what I have come to know in the past. I see the efforts of being nice and civil. I feel the openness for a better relationship. And I know that she deserves the same thing. Everyday I strive to overcome certain unpleasant mental state such as annoyance or irritability that I have experienced for so many years that eventually evolved to be a natural reaction in her presence. There is a conscious effort each day to be good…

Closing Poem

I am not sure what reminded me of this poem earlier, and it got stuck in my head. It is a very cute poem I remember from high school in my English Literature class. I must found it really nice since I can not forget it from more than two decades ago. When love was young…

Enjoy and sweetest dreams to everyone!!!!

Because You Kissed Me Good Night

by Sandy Roistan
I climbed the door
And opened the stairs
I said my pajamas
And put on my prayers
Then turned off my bed
And crawled into the light
All because you kissed me good-night

Next morning, I woke
And scrambled my shoes
Polished my eggs and
Toasted the news
I couldn’t tell my left from right
All cause you kissed me good-night.

That evening, at last,
I felt normal again
I called up my mother
and picked up the phone
I spoke to my puppy
And threw my dad a bone
Even at midnight
The sun was still bright
All because you kissed me good-night

Maybe There Is Really A “Meant To Be?”

Being in a relationship is not just about feelings. That’s what I have learned from  books.  Emotions keep changing with life. I believe that in order for a relationship to last, there should be love and commitment. I have been married to my husband for seven years now, going to eight. And I always pray to God to take care of our relationship. It is a life long commitment and we intend to stay together for the rest of our lives. We all know that there can be trials along the way, and journeys are not perfect.  When we got married I received a simple frame with a prayer on it. I put it up in our living room beside our wedding photo. It says “Lord help us to remember when we first met and the strong love that grew between us… Dear Lord we put our marriage into your hands. Amen. ” So I try to remember how it all began and I can’t help but say “maybe there is really such a thing as meant to be?”. My  husband and I knew each other all our lives. We were neighbors in our hometown back in the Philippines. He lived just a few blocks from mine. You can actually see their house from our place. We went to the same school in Elementary. We were classmates from fourth grade to sixth. In addition, both our families were active in the parish church. He served as an altar boy and I was a member in one organization. We were friends, young people hanging out in church. High school came and he moved to all boys school. I moved to all girls’. We still saw each other in church. Young love, he started to send me love letters and sent me signals that he liked me. I had a crush on him too but nothing serious. He told me he loved me but I did not believe him. After what I said he became cold and aloof. So the love letters stopped and the affection as well. College came and we both went to different Universities. Sometimes we would still see each other in church, only we were busier this time in school. He studied Physical Therapy and I went with Psychology. I ended up getting my Master’s degree too.  We both got into relationships. He met a girl and would sometimes bring her to church. I believed we were also introduced to each other. I was cool with it. Then he moved to the United States while I lived in Manila. We sometimes see each other online and stay in touch. Likewise, I had my first boyfriend. He was a medicine student (eventually became a medical doctor). He went to the same church with me and my husband. So we were all “friends.” I was with the “doctor” for seven years and it just did not end well. Growing up, changes, one day you will just realize that it’s not what you want. I was not aware that the same thing also happened with my husband. He was engaged with his girlfriend and they were about to get married. Wedding did not push through since a third party was involved (his ex girlfriend’s side). In 2006, our paths just crossed again.  We were both available and things just happened quickly. It’s like everything fell into place. The Universe conspired to help us find each other again!  We fell in love and the next year tied the knot! This was quite an adventure (to be written next time). It was not all bed of roses. There were great challenges too especially with the distance between us. When our paths crossed, we were living in our own perfect worlds. Then I had to make the hardest decision of my life, leaving family, friends and my blooming career. In the end, love conquered all…   Now we are together with our two beautiful children. As long as there is faith in each other, commitment to take care of the marriage and choose to save it on top everything or anyone, I am sure, we will make it another day, another year, and hopefully as long as we live!

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