When I started blogging, my mind was filled with thoughts, filled with words. My heart felt a lot of things. I could not wait to write them down each day. Writing about my thoughts and feelings helped me resolve some issues I had in me. It taught me a little about forgiveness, about imperfections, humanity, about love. It also helped me discover my passions. It is still helping me get to know myself more and the life around me.
I just noticed one thing and maybe it happens to other people too. When my father went to heaven, it suddenly felt like there is nothing more I can write about. No inspiring stories or reflections in my head. I was not sure how I was feeling. For a long time I just went on with the flow. It has been a year now. I don’t feel the same. However, I find delight in interviewing people who inspire me. Maybe this is a way to get me inspired again and get me back on track.
For now, I will keep looking for that inspiration.
I was born and raised Catholic. I firmly believe in God. However, this playful mind of mine never stops going some places far. In my heart I know God fully understands. He never gets mad about questions. I believe that’s what makes us special. We think. So my thoughts here are independent of my belief. Some questions just floating in my head.
With the loss of a loved one, I am thinking if there is really an after life. Is there really a soul. If there is, where does it go? What happens to it? When we talk about our faith, I know the answer is: the soul goes to heaven, hell, or Purgatory. Does the soul recognize his/her loved ones left on earth? Does he/she still get to see them? I have read some stories about near death experiences of people and they usually report the same things: light, visions, peaceful experience. It is comforting to know that.
I guess you will never truly know the truth unless you experience death. And there is actually no way of going back to tell the world what truly happens when you die because you are dead. I am also thinking, what if when a person dies, it is simply just the end of everything? Non existent. Just no thoughts, no emotions, bodily functions stop. What if this life is the only chance, the only time and place that we can actually feel and think? The only moment we experience existence and being human.
A very good friend of mine came to visit me last weekend. He said he has been reading my blogs. BUT he just wishes something else from my posts. I did not really get what he meant, but I know he meant well. I only got the sense that for him, sometimes, my focus is vague. I love constructive criticism. And to be honest, I never really thought of technicalities. I guess it is getting clearer to me. I am not really writing for someone else… to please people. I am not also considering monetary factor as of now (but if luck will come for reasons I do not know how, I would gladly welcome it). My point is, I am expressing myself. I am letting my thoughts and feelings out. Just like how I did when I was writing in my diary when I was growing up. Each post is a reflection of what is happening in me, inside my head and my heart, a reflection of my journey. It may be pretty to some but lacking sense to somebody else. There is no right or wrong. It does not really matter. I am expressing myself and sharing it to the world and to the Universe. Who knows it can lift spirit of someone who has a similar journey as mine. I know you understand what I mean. I am sure some of you are writing for the same reasons.